Sore Loser
by Chrmdpoet
Summary: Emma hates to lose, and it doesn't take much to spark her need to prove herself. So, when Regina makes an offhanded remark about being more powerful than her, Emma simply cannot take it. Thus, she attempts to goad her wife into a magical competition-her powers versus Regina's. Will Regina rise to the bait, and if so, who will win?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I really have no idea where this came from. I've been lacking motivation for my angsty stories, so this lighthearted CRACK just filtered into my head. **

**Should I continue? Please, let me know. If not, I'll just take it down! No big deal. Regardless, I hope a few of you enjoy this! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Sore Loser

"Oh really?" Emma drawled immaturely. "Oh _reeeally_? You think so, Regina? You _really_ think so?"

"Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have said as much," Regina answered dryly. "Must you continue to repeat yourself so childishly?"

"You bet your sweet, formerly evil ass that I_ must repeat myself_ _childishly_," Emma growled. "You insulted me!"

"My gods, would you relax?" Regina asked, rolling her eyes. "I only spoke the truth, Emma. It wasn't even intended as an insult. Stop being such a sore loser."

"A SORE LOSER?!" Emma practically yelled. "How the hell can I be a sore loser when I haven't actually _lost _anything? Hmm? It's not like we had a competition or something!"

"And we won't," Regina butted in quickly, "because your overly sensitive ego would be unable to recover from the terrible loss you would be certain to endure, and then our sex life would suffer as you would then brood and play the role of the wounded martyr for weeks while I remained ever the villain simply for being honest or superior."

"Our sex life never suffers," Emma said, arching an eyebrow.

"That isn't true," Regina countered. "Do you remember the last time you decided to challenge me to a competition? You whined continuously for _twenty-six_ days and refused even to allow me to touch you. You wouldn't even kiss me. _Twenty-six DAYS, Emma! _It was ridiculous."

"That doesn't count, Regina. I'd never baked before in my life! That competition shouldn't have even happened. Stupid key-lime pie. Stupid meringue. Stupid…oven and stuff," the blonde said, grumbling over the last bit.

"_That _competition was _your _idea, so I refuse to take blame and I refuse to discount it simply because you lost or because you had little experience," Regina told her, planting her hands on her hips as she turned annoyed eyes to her wife.

"I only said we should do that stupid competition because at Thanksgiving, you and my mom went on for almost an hour about the fact that I couldn't bake a pie even if Henry's life depended on it. You totally baited me!" Emma whined.

"Well, I was right, wasn't I?" Regina mumbled under her breath.

"Oh, OH! It is on!" Emma snapped, pointing her index finger at her wife before flexing ridiculously at her. "We're doing this."

"We are _not_ doing this," Regina told her, rolling her eyes dramatically and letting out an irritated sigh.

"We are."

"Not."

"Are."

"No, Emma."

"YES, Regina!"

"I said, 'No'."

"Yeah, good for you. _I _said, 'Yes!'."

"You are aggravating the hell out of me, Emma."

"Oh please. There's way too much hell _in_ you for that to even be possible."

"That was terribly immature and not even remotely witty."

"Pshh…says _you_!"

"Emma, I am trying to save you the embarrassment of losing to me. You and I both know that I am far more powerful than you, and your magic wouldn't hold a candle to mine in a competition," Regina said, putting a hand up to stop the nonsense of their ridiculous back-and-forth.

"Regina, I have like SIX powers that you don't even have," Emma said, bobbing her head at the brunette as if that single fact alone ensured her superiority.

"And I have nearly THIRTY powers that you don't possess, not to mention _years _of training, whereas you simply experiment with yours or use your magic to play pranks on people," her wife returned.

"Yeah, but my powers are cooler and way stronger," Emma told her. "You just don't want to have this competition because you know you'll lose."

"I certainly would not lose."

"Oh, you'd lose. I'd be all MIND CONTROL, BAM! And then that would be the end of it."

"I would hardly call it a competition if you resort to mind control before it even begins and FORCE me to lose, dear," Regina deadpanned. "I believe that would be more along the lines of cheating."

"Whatever, R, you're just jealous," Emma said, deliberately goading her wife because she knew it was the only true way to get Regina to agree to participate in a magical competition.

"I am nothing of the sort," the brunette argued. "I have burned entire kingdoms to the ground before, dear. What is there to be jealous of?"

"Oooo, pyrokinesis," Emma drawled mockingly, "how very mainstream and boring of you."

Regina gasped as she glared at the blonde. She could tolerate many things, but no one should ever dare to mock her, especially not her own wife. Emma didn't stop, though, pushing her even further.

"MEANWHILE," Emma continued loudly, "I'm over here being a freaking X-Man superhero."

"Yes," Regina quipped, going in for the low blow, "you are rather similar to those ridiculous comic-book superheroes, dear. You see, your powers too are nothing more than a comical figment of a child's imagination."

Every cell in Emma's body buzzed furiously as she gritted her teeth at her wife and growled out, "Which makes it all the more pathetic that you are afraid of a little competition, don't you think? If my powers are so comical, then surely you'd have no problem beating me, right? What've you got to lose?"

"Other than the phenomenal sex that I've come to depend on as a part of my regular routine?" Regina asked dryly, even though she knew it was a last-ditch effort of avoiding a ridiculous competition that would only end as the last equally ridiculous one did. Her own anger and frustration, however, were already on the precipice of boiling over, and she knew her pride would force her to cave soon.

Emma smirked devilishly at that. "Coward," she hissed.

The brunette's pupils exploded into bright purple spheres as her entire body buzzed electrically. Tiny candle-sized flames ignited on her fingertips as she glared at her aggravatingly childish spouse. She snarled at the blonde animatedly before she practically spit out, "Fine. It's on."

"Like Donkey Kong!" Emma added, clapping her hands excitedly before flexing at her wife again.

Regina took several deep breaths to calm herself, and as the flames on her fingertips doused and her pupils returned to their normal shade of melted chocolate, she planted her hands on her hips again and asked, "What are the terms?"

Emma stumbled at that question, because she hadn't given a single thought to how the competition would actually go. She scratched at the back of her head as she stared into the floor and tried to think of a few simple rules to roll off her tongue and get the competition under way, but then she thought back to what Regina had said earlier. It wouldn't be much of a satisfying win if she simply gained her win via mind control or some equivalent. So, she wanted the terms to be specific and the rules to be firmly in place so that Regina couldn't claim she cheated when Emma inevitably won the damn thing.

"Uhh…." Emma stalled before saying, "I'll get back to you with the terms later. Give me like…an hour or two."

"Oh for gods' sake!" Regina exclaimed, tossing her hands up into the air before turning on her heel and stomping out of their bedroom.

"It's gonna be good, babe!" Emma called after her. "Lots of fun, and don't worry! I won't rub it in your face when you lose."

When she received no answer, the blonde paused a beat before calling out one last time.

"Love you!"

She was met with nothing more than the sound of the mansion's door slamming loudly closed. Crap. She had better come up with some damn good terms, and _soon. _The sooner this competition was over (and she was the winner, of course), the sooner they could put all of this behind them, though Emma would certainly have to allow her wife some time to whine and brood afterwards. After all, the blonde knew that she wasn't the only sore loser in the Swan-Mills household.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, several of you wanted to see this story continued, so I decided to play around with it for a while, and hopefully I can keep you all entertained. Keep in mind, folks, that this is a CRACKFIC, thus it will be utterly ridiculous, but hopefully funny. :) Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Sore Loser

Chapter Two

Regina walked into the mansion with two large bags of groceries in her arms. She had barely made it through the door when one of the bags was lifted away from her and into the arms of a grinning blonde. Regina started to thank her wife for the assistance, but as soon as she saw the devious smile on Emma's face, she could only roll her eyes and ask, "I take it by your cat-who-got-the-canary grin that you've finally decided on the terms of this ridiculous competition you insist on having?"

"Not exactly," Emma said as she followed Regina into the kitchen and dropped the grocery bag onto the island countertop. "Well, mostly, but we're going to need judges."

"Judges?" Regina reiterated, rolling her eyes again. "It's that serious that we now require a panel of judges?"

"Uh, yeah," Emma told her. "We can't just trust ourselves to decide, because I'm obviously going to choose me and you're obviously going to choose you. We need someone impartial."

"How about Henry?" Regina asked as she began to unload the groceries and put them away. "I'm sure he would quite enjoy it."

"Henry?!" Emma exclaimed incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Henry can't be the judge!"

"Why not?" the brunette asked, turning to face her wife with her hands on her hips and her eyebrow arched in question.

"Uh, I thought that would be obvious," Emma told her. "You and Henry are like best friends. There's no way he'd be impartial. He'd totally choose you because you're his BFF."

It was true. As Henry had grown older, he'd become more and more like Regina, until he was practically a taller, male version of the former queen. While he and Emma were certainly close and bonded well over video games, comic books, and the like, he had bonded with Regina over nearly everything else. They were practically attached at the hip most days as Henry had definitely developed Regina's snark, wit, and sarcasm, not to mention her love of cooking. He was practically a chef at only seventeen years old. While he was much more lighthearted and carefree than Regina, a trait he shared with his birthmother, he and Regina just seemed to get each other in a way that no one else could, and their loving mother-son relationship had evolved over the years into a close and playful friendship.

Regina's smile was ear-to-ear and as smug as it could be as she nodded along to Emma's words and said, "Oh right. I suppose you have a fair point, dear."

"Yeah, yeah, you're the best mother ever," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "Go smile about it elsewhere, woman."

Regina laughed loudly at that before rounding the island and wrapping her arms around her wife. "Oh, come now, Emma. You know I'm more than happy to share the title," she teased as kissed the blonde's jaw and smacked her ass playfully.

"Share the title of what?" Henry's deep voice asked as he suddenly appeared in the kitchen, dropping his messenger bag next to the door.

"Best mother ever," Emma answered.

Henry laughed at that and said, "Yeah, not going there. Share it."

"Wise choice, dear," Regina expressed as Henry crossed the room and planted a kiss to her cheek before bumping Emma's fist playfully.

"So, how did you guys get on the topic of best mother?" Henry asked as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and plopped down on a barstool at the kitchen island.

"Your mother has challenged me to yet another competition," Regina told him, and both she and Henry rolled their eyes simultaneously, which of course made Emma scoff.

"Seriously, Ma?" Henry asked, arching an eyebrow at Emma in a perfect imitation of his brunette mother. "Another one? Have you already forgotten about the key-lime pie?"

Regina had to cup a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing as her wife glared daggers at their son and argued, "That was different. I can actually win this one!"

"Oh yeah?" Henry asked. "What kind of competition is it?

"Your mom's magic versus mine," Emma said, grinning ridiculously like she already had the competition in the bag.

Henry just stared blankly at his birthmother for a moment before bursting into laughter, nearly spitting his water all over the table. "Oh man," he said, cracking up. He then looked over at Regina and teased, "I guess you're not getting laid for another month or two."

Emma gasped, exclaiming, "HENRY!"

Regina, though, couldn't help herself. She burst into her own loud round of laughter and said, "That was _my_ argument!"

Emma gasped again at that and shouted, "REGINA!"

Regina wrapped her arms around her wife again even as she and Henry continued to laugh and said, "Relax love. Henry is seventeen, and an offhanded remark about our sex life is hardly anything to shout about. Besides, I _know_ you gave him a box of condoms. So, it isn't like he isn't mature enough to be a part of the adult humor and conversation."

Both Emma and Henry's faces turned various shades of red before Henry quickly cleared his throat and said, "Uh, _anyway!_"

"Right, anyway," Emma reiterated, "we need some judges for the competition and your mom said you could be one, but I said you couldn't, and that's how we got on the topic of best mother."

"What? How?" Henry asked, confused. "And why can't I be a judge?"

"Because apparently you and I are 'BFFs', dear," Regina told him, adopting that same smug smile again.

"Which means you can't be impartial," Emma added, nodding firmly.

"Uh, no offense, Ma," Henry said to his blonde mother, "but I wouldn't really even need to be impartial in order to judge that competition. Your powers are awesome, but you don't have anywhere near as many as Mom, and she's trained a lot and stuff, too. As awesome as you are and everything, she's still totally going to cream you in a magical competition."

Regina's smile just wouldn't quit in that moment as she smirked at her wife and mumbled, "Told you so."

"Gee, thanks for the support, _son_," Emma said dryly. "You said you were 'freaking impressed' when I showed you my Phasing power."

"Oh yes, that one is very neat," Regina said sincerely, jumping in. She'd actually been quite jealous of her wife's ability to walk through solid objects and walls, but she'd been unable to master the power herself.

"See?!" Emma exclaimed, throwing her hands up at Henry.

"Yeah, I know," Henry said, "and you have _a lot_ of really awesome powers, but Mom has Earth, Plant, Weather, Water, Sound, _and _Particle Manipulation. Those alone are pretty hard to beat, but add in her endless amount of other incredibly cool powers, and you might as well declare her the winner now."

Emma just stared blankly at him for a long moment. "I hate both of you," she then deadpanned before turning and stomping out of the kitchen.

As soon as she was out of the room, both Regina and Henry burst into laughter again. "Henry, you really shouldn't have rubbed that in. She's only going to be more determined now."

"Yeah, I know," he said, laughing. "It should be interesting to watch, though."

"That it should," Regina agreed, nodding. "I don't know why she always insists on these ridiculous competitions."

"She's got a complex," Henry said. "It'd be one thing if she challenged you to an X-Men trivia competition or something in which she'd actually have the upper hand, but she always chooses things she knows you're better at. I think she just can't stand someone telling her she can't win, even though she knows she can't."

"I heard that!" They heard Emma shout from the living room, and both of them burst into laughter again as Regina motioned for Henry to help her with dinner.

"This should be an interesting dinner," Henry said as he pulled a few pots from the rack hanging above the island.

"Mm, indeed," Regina agreed. "Just suck up as much as possible and it should at least put _you _back in her good graces."

"Noted," Henry said, laughing as he playfully bumped shoulders with his Mom and began preparing dinner.

* * *

"You want me to what?"

"I want you to be a judge for a magical competition between me and Regina."

"Uh huh, and let me ask you something, Emma. Do I look stupid to you?"

"Eh…."

"Rude."

"Come on, Rubes! You _have _to be a judge. I told R that Henry could only be a judge if you agreed to be one, too, because then we'd both have our BFFs on the panel."

"I really don't like the sound of this, Emma," Ruby said as she placed a new mug of hot chocolate in front of her best friend. "I mean, do you really think you can beat Regina? She's had her magic for _decades_, and you've only had yours for about six years. She trained with Rumplestiltskin of all people. It just seems kind of pointless."

"No! Seriously?!" Emma exclaimed. "Not you, too! Come on, my powers are awesome. Regina may have way more than me and a lot more experience under her belt, but you know she's just gonna do her typical fireballs and tree branches. We've all seen her do both over a thousand times. She rarely ever dips into her other, more powerful powers, and she's so cocky that she won't even think she'll need to, so I've basically got this thing in the bag."

"Okay, okay," Ruby said, holding up her hands. "I'll do it, but on two conditions."

"Name them," the blonde said seriously, eager to get her friend on board.

"First, whe—_IF _you lose," she said, coughing quickly to cover up what she'd nearly said, "_IF _you lose, you have to promise that you're not going to mope around forever and deny Regina sex, because damn…you _both _were bitchy, horny pains in my ass after the last competition, and that shit lasted almost a _month. _As much as I love you, Em, that was just childish. So, if you're going to challenge your wife to a competition, at least learn to take it like a woman if you lose."

"Yeah, yeah," Emma said, waving her hand and rolling her eyes. "What's the second condition?"

"Noooo," Ruby denied, shaking her head and pointing at Emma. "Not until you promise."

"FINE!" Emma scoffed, and through gritted teeth, said, "I promise that if I lose, which I won't, but _if _I do, I won't whine and withhold sex. Happy?"

"Yup! Now, for the second condition, you have to do something very specific in the competition."

"Like what?" Emma asked, narrowing her eyes at the wolf woman.

"Do you remember that night at The Rabbit Hole when we got drunk and were talking about cool things you could do with your Mind Control power?" Ruby asked, grinning wickedly and waggling her eyebrows.

"Ha! Yes!" Emma exclaimed, jumping from her chair excitedly. "That is perfect!" She then bumped fists with Ruby and said, "We are freaking geniuses. I can't wait until Henry sees this."

"Henry?" Ruby said, waving a dismissive hand. "Pshh. _I _can't wait for _Granny _to see it. She's totally going to lose it! She secretly _loves_ that stuff."

"It's really not that much of a secret," Emma told her, cracking up at the thought of Granny's face when she saw what they'd planned for the competition. Better, though, was the thought of Regina's face—the face of a woman witnessing her defeat.

_Ahh_, Emma thought, _sweet, sweet victory. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Just wanted to take the time to thank everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story so far, and thank you to all of you who will continue to read and review! I hope you all know how much I appreciate you! Enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Sore Loser

Chapter Three

"Oh my goodness. I'm a bundle of nerves!" Snow said as she settled herself into a chair behind the "judges' table" as Emma had referred to the rickety chunk of metal when she'd dragged it out into the open field behind Town Hall. She'd wanted to set everything up _inside _Town Hall, but Regina had thrown a fit, saying that she refused to let Emma accidentally burn down the building or something equally disastrous as a result of a ridiculous competition inspired by nothing more than her inflated ego and wounded pride. Emma had stopped listening after her wife's dramatic shout of "Absolutely not, Emma Swan-Mills!" so she simply rolled her eyes and said, "Fine woman. Outside it is then!"

"Nervous?" Charming reiterated incredulously as he settled into the seat beside her. "Why?" He then lowered his voice to an almost-whisper as he glanced around to make sure that his beloved daughter was nowhere nearby and said, "It's not like we don't know how this is going to end, Snow. A magical competition between our daughter and our daughter-in-law? I'd say the latter definitely has this one in the bag."

"I guess I'm just excited that both Regina and Emma asked us to be judges, and stop being such a pessimist, honey," Snow said, smacking her husband's arm playfully. "You should have more faith in our daughter. She's very powerful, you know, being made of our True Love and all."

Charming just stared at her, giving her an expression that basically deadpanned, "Really, Snow? _Really?_"

Snow met his gaze for only a moment before huffing out a breath and quietly hissing, "Oh okay fine. You're right, but still. We need to be supportive of Emma. You know how sensitive she is about losing. I'm sure that's how we ended up having this silly competition to begin with. Maybe we could just, you know, vote for her regardless of whether or not she's superior."

"Uhhh HECK NO, Snow!" Ruby cut in as she suddenly appeared at the table, having crept up on the couple while simultaneously eavesdropping on their conversation. She knew she should have felt guilty for that, but nope. It was a wolf thing, right? It was practically impossible for her to _not _overhear people's private conversations. _Oh well_, she sing-songed in her head before plopping down into the empty chair on Snow's other side.

"Red, you really shouldn't eavesdrop," Snow chastised her friend, her cheeks turning a bright shade of pink at having been caught contemplating cheating on behalf of her daughter.

"Well, you really shouldn't cheat, Snow," Ruby countered, sticking her tongue out at the raven-haired woman. Her face then grew very serious as she gravely said, "You two are monarchs. You're supposed to be fair and just, even if you don't always like what that means; otherwise, neither of you are any better than the cruel, unfair, and often evil rulers you once fought so valiantly against."

Both Charming and Snow looked terribly taken aback and ashamed before Ruby burst into a loud round of laughter. She pointed at the couple and said, "Oh man, you guys should have seen your faces!"

Charming couldn't help but laugh with her at being duped, but Snow simply pursed her lips and smacked Ruby's shoulder. "That wasn't funny, Red," she scoffed.

"You're right," Ruby said as she continued to crack up and poke at Snow. "It wasn't funny. It was _hilarious!_"

Snow finally caved at that, and the three of them laughed together for a few more minutes, before Ruby leaned back in her chair, rocking it on its two hind legs, and lectured, "Seriously though, guys. You shouldn't cheat for Emma. She got herself into this mess and probably over nothing more than a random comment that she took the wrong way or something. She needs to learn to chill out with these competitions and just accept that some people are awesome at some things while other people suck at them. She needs to relax, and getting her ass handed to her by her own wife in front of half the town_ should _have precisely that effect. Hopefully."

"I hope she at least puts up a good fight," Snow said, her nerves returning.

"Oh, I happen to know for a fact that at least _one _of Emma's little tricks is going to be freaking phenomenal!" Red told them, a devious smile spreading her lips as she laughed out loud again, though this time neither Charming nor Snow had any clue as to what their friend found so amusing. Apparently they were going to find out soon though.

"Thanks for coming everyone," Emma said as she greeted all the people present for the competition, including the five people at the judges table—Henry, Ruby, Snow, Charming, and Granny. Several people had actually shown up to witness the little competition, nearly half the town to be more specific. It had shocked both Regina and Emma, but the blonde had decided to make a little show of it, hamming it up in front of the audience and acting way more confident than she had the magic to back it up with. Regina just rolled her eyes at her wife despite the fact that she found the blonde incredibly adorable, and decided to keep it quiet that she had quite the show planned herself.

"Now, this is just a harmless little competition between my wife and I, pitting her powers against mine," Emma told everyone, smirking. "It should be a good bit of entertainment for all of you and we even have a judging panel to choose the winner of each round, which will basically determine the winner of the entire competition."

"A good bit?" Granny reiterated gruffly. "Better be a bit more than a bit, Swan! I shut down the diner for this ridiculous competition, so I expect to be amazed. Otherwise, I'm upping the charge on your grilled cheeses and hot chocolates for the next _month_."

Regina chuckled loudly at Granny's outburst, which garnered a bit of laughter from some of the people in the crowd as well. Emma then cleared her throat loudly and mumbled, "Uh…understood, Granny. Thanks for being here." Regina laughed even harder at that, to which her wife could only shoot her a deadly glare and silently threaten retribution, but the brunette was hardly deterred. She simply grinned and winked at her wife, knowing that it would instantly placate the blonde. And she was right. As soon as Emma saw the smile and wink, her heart melted and her body buzzed electrically so that she ended up returning the gestures almost immediately.

"Now, just a bit of an explanation about how this is going to go and then we can get on with it," Emma said as she turned back to the crowd and judges. There will be three rounds in the competition, and each round will have a theme that will be announced at the beginning of the round. Both Regina and I get two turns per round in which we have to embody the theme using magic. For example, if the theme was _Transformation _or something similar, we'd both get two chances to show you our most impressive or entertaining transformative magic. The judges will give us each a score of one-to-ten for our two combined turns, with ten being the best possible score, and then that is our final score for that round. At the end of the three rounds, whoever has the most points wins the competition."

"Get on with it already, sister!" someone shouted from the crowd, and it wasn't hard for anyone to guess who. _Gee thanks, Leroy, _Emma thought as she shot a glare in the direction of the shout. She couldn't actually see the dwarf, considering he was only half the size of all the adults in the town except well, six other people, but she'd recognize that voice and the use of the word "sister" anywhere.

"Okay, alright, let's go ahead and kick this thing off then," Emma said, rolling her eyes before turning to Henry. "Alright kid, what's the first theme?"

Henry scoffed at being referred to as "kid" in front of everyone considering he was seventeen now, but at the same time, he was so used to his birthmother calling him that that he just brushed it off and moved on. "The first theme is Fantasy or the Fantastical," he declared excitedly, to which several oohs and ahhs sounded throughout the crowd, the loudest of which though came from his own grandmother. Snow looked more than thrilled about the theme and was damn-near bouncing in her seat about it.

"Oh this is so exciting!" she whispered to Charming. "It's like going to the theater, but nothing is faked!"

"It _is _pretty exciting," he agreed, rubbing her back affectionately and grinning at her.

"You two need to get out more," Granny mumbled at them, to which they both looked shocked, but were quickly pulled back to the competition as Ruby snapped her fingers at them and pointed at the blonde in front of them.

Emma shot a glance over to her wife, and inwardly rolled her eyes and scoffed as she saw that Regina was sharing a massive grin with their son. Of course Henry would choose a theme that would benefit Regina. Emma wasn't even sure if she knew what he meant by "the fantastical", but she was up first, so she was just going to have to wing it.

She stepped out into the center of the small field and just stood there for a minute as she contemplated what she could do to fit the theme. She mulled over everything she knew of fantasy, which wasn't much outside of J.R.R. Tolkien books, RPG video games, and well…porn, but she suspected that that last one was definitely NOT included in the kind of fantasy that her son had been referring to.

_Stick to what you know_, she told herself and decided to go with video games, _Skyrim_ to be exact. She closed her eyes and lifted her hands up at her sides, focusing all of her energy on her magic. She felt it buzzing in her veins and then on her skin and then in the very air around her.

Henry gasped as his blonde mother disappeared, fading away just as the rest of the woods and the building around them disappeared as well. The setting was quickly replaced with rolling plains, an endless blue sky, and towering mountains in the distance. Everyone was in complete awe of the beauty of the scenery, but then a loud, bone-chilling roar ripped through the air around them. Heads snapped in the direction of the sound to see a massive, terrifying dragon soaring toward them, its face a permanent snarl. It opened its mouth and let out a scorching blast of fire, to which everyone in the crowd screamed and ducked, and Charming even leapt out of his seat as if he was going to fight the thing before realizing that his trusty sword was not at his side. But then the scenery suddenly faded away to be replaced once more by Storybrooke, and a smirking, satisfied Emma in the middle of the field.

It took everyone a few minutes to adjust to being back "in the real world", before they each began to clap for the show. "Illusion-Casting!" Henry chimed excitedly. "SWEET!"

Emma smiled brightly at him as she walked over to the judges' table to high-five her son. As their palms slapped, Snow said, "That was incredible, honey. I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks Mom," the blonde said sheepishly before looking at Ruby expectantly.

"Wha—oh! Uh, I mean, WHOA! _Skyrim_!" Ruby quickly chimed in. "Really awesome, Em. Can't wait to see what you do on your second turn. No way Regina's gonna beat that. You are so going to win this thing!"

"Okay Rubes, now you're just laying it on a little thick," Emma said, rolling her eyes at her best friend.

"Just trying to fulfill my bestie duties," Ruby said, winking at Emma before shooing the blonde away so that all the judges could write down their thoughts and scores on the first turn of the first round of the competition.

Emma walked over to where Regina was standing waiting for her turn. The brunette smiled at her and pressed a soft kiss to Emma's cheek before saying, "Beautifully done, darling. It was very realistic."

"Thanks babe," Emma said, smiling at her wife. "Sorry if it was a little much for the first round. Just trying to come in strong."

"Of course," Regina said, smirking at the blonde. As much as she loved that woman, it was almost just too easy sometimes. Regina then stepped away from her wife and out into the center of the field.

Everyone watched with bated breath, waiting for whatever fantastical thing Regina had planned, because there wasn't a single person present who wasn't well aware of the former queen's magical abilities. Then again, Emma's little illusion trick had impressed them all, so everyone was curious to see how the Savior's wife intended to top the blonde's first turn. And of course, Regina didn't disappoint.

She shared a grin with Henry before she thrust her arms downwards and two massive fireballs appeared in her hands. Emma rolled her eyes and waved her hand a bit to get Ruby's attention across the field. As soon as the wolf looked at her, the blonde muttered under her breath because she knew that Ruby would be able to hear it even across the distance. Wolf senses. Pretty awesome.

"Told you so," Emma muttered. "Fireballs. Her next turn will be branches for sure. Just wait."

She saw Ruby chuckle at that before they both turned their attention back to Regina who was simply smirking at everyone as she held the fireballs at her sides. Emma didn't have a damn clue as to how _that_ was considered "fantasy" or "fantastical"; then again, she'd be lying if she said she hadn't had a few fantasies about her wife's fireballs in the past, so who was she to judge? Maybe Regina had something planned, like juggling the damn things or something. Whatever it was, though, Emma was pretty sure that there was no way that any of the judges would find fireballs more fascinating than her dragon had been.

But then Regina shocked them all by thrusting her arms downwards again, and everyone gasped as they watched the flames of the balls in her hands catch onto her arms and shoot up her limbs. The flames devoured her arms before moving across her chest, down her torso, and down her legs. Within seconds, Regina's entire body was enveloped in flames.

"What the hell?!" Emma shouted, suddenly a little freaked out that something had gone wrong. She started to rush forward, but before she could, her wife's body began to lift from the ground. Regina's body hovered in the air, entirely ablaze, before her head began to change shape, a golden beak developing under new beady, black eyes, and then her arms changed, too. Where there had only just been human limbs, massive flaming wings appeared, stroking the air magnificently, and Regina's legs were replaced by the yellow, scaly legs and clawed feet of a bird. And finally, the transformation was complete.

Regina had changed herself into a Phoenix, a beautiful and truly magnificent Phoenix that had everyone gasping and pointing and echoing loud and impressed oohs and ahhs and wows and no-ways and a million other things. Emma, though pissed that she'd been bested, couldn't help but be amazed and admit that her wife's magic trick was truly fantastic and that Regina made a freaking gorgeous Phoenix.

Regina the Phoenix sang beautifully as she took off, flying gracefully above the crowd before finally landing again in the center of the field and slowly transforming back into herself. The crowd instantly erupted into applause and a few people even shouted, "Do it again!" Regina only smiled at that and took a graceful bow before striding back over to Emma who could only gape at her with her jaw hanging open.

"What the frickin' frack was that, R?!" Emma hissed at her wife when she regained the ability to talk.

"Oh, it was trans—" Regina began, but was quickly cut off by the voice of their son.

"TRANSMOGRIFICATION?!" Henry suddenly shouted as if he'd only just shaken himself out of his shock. "MOM!"

"Yes, dear?" Regina asked sweetly, grinning knowingly at her son.

"Freakin' transmogrification!" Henry repeated himself, his jaw dropped identically to Emma's, and his voice going up several octaves with his excitement. "That was AWESOME! That Phoenix was AWESOME!"

"Thank you, Henry," Regina said, winking at him before glancing toward the other judges.

"Uh, sha!" Ruby chimed in. "I thought my wolf was pretty, but damn. That Phoenix was beautiful!"

"Really amazing, Regina!" Charming said, thoroughly impressed.

"So beautiful!" Snow said, nodding.

"Pretty damn impressive," Granny said with a slow nod and a half-smile at Regina.

"Yeah okay!" Emma cut in suddenly, growling at the panel of judges. "Let's just get on to the second turn, okay?"

"Whenever you're ready, darling," Regina said softly as she motioned for Emma to make her way to the center of the field for the blonde's second turn. She smacked Emma's ass playfully as she went by, to which her wife only grumbled and scoffed and stomped dramatically away.

_Maybe this is going to be rather fun after all_, Regina thought, chuckling to herself as she waited eagerly to see her wife's next trick.


	4. Chapter 4

Sore Loser

Chapter Four

Emma didn't have a freaking clue what to do for her second turn despite the fact that she was currently marching haughtily into the center of the field after urging everyone to move on from their fawning-over-Regina-fest and back to the competition. She was already starting to think that she'd gotten in a little over her head…or maybe a lot over her head; which, of course, wouldn't have been a terribly huge deal if it wasn't for the fact that half the damn town had showed up to watch the competition. That, in turn, meant that all of those people would be there to witness her utter humiliation if she lost this thing. God, what the hell had she been thinking?

She shook her head violently as she stopped in the center of the field. _No, don't think like that, Emma. You've got this, _she told herself mentally. _So, Regina is pulling out the big guns? So what? I've got big guns, too. I've got guns so big that my fucking guns have got guns. So, yeah…suck it the hell up and give it your all. Game time, bitches. _

With her limited knowledge of fantasy and "the fantastical", Emma knew she was at a bit of a disadvantage. It wasn't like she'd grown up in some magical forest place where all the shit that people in the "real world" only ever read about or saw in movies was ACTUALLY TRUE, like witches and magic and fairies and crickets that talk and shit. She shot a glare at her wife in that moment, thinking, _So not fair. _Ugh, she was going to have to combine a few of her powers for this turn and up her game a bit.

Her brain starting another round of rapid fire, just trying to flit quickly through the few ideas of fantasy that she actually had, and for some reason, her head instantly went to _Twilight_. She pondered it for a moment, before shaking her head. _Nope, _she thought. _Sparkly, self-deprecating vampires? Totes NOT scary or exciting. _Then her brain instantly shot to _True Blood. _She let that one sink in a little longer, liking the idea a bit better. _Hot, snarky, southern vampires that actually attack people instead of deer? Scary and exciting. Much, much better. _

But it still wasn't enough. She wanted to really wow everyone, especially Henry, and secretly Regina. Emma wouldn't admit it aloud, but she _really _wanted Regina to be impressed by her, especially by something like magic which had always and probably would always be her wife's forte. So, she decided to take it a step further than just hot, mean vampires, and she suddenly thought she knew exactly how to do that.

Henry had bragged to her about how Regina was practically unbeatable because she had Earth, Plant, Weather, Water, Sound, _and _Particle Manipulation, and all of that was true, but there was one little manipulation power that Regina didn't have that Emma actually did—Biological Manipulation. She could manipulate the biological make-up of any living thing, including plants as they were all actually living. She didn't have a damn clue how she did it, because she sure as shit didn't know anything about anatomy, except Regina's of course. She definitely knew that woman's anatomy, and she didn't need magic for that.

It was like the knowledge was just innate to her once she activated her magic, and she suddenly understood every cell and every gene and every nerve and vessel and function, and she could change them. She could change them all. She could use the power to alter appearances, alter mentality, alter physical function, and even alter likes, dislikes, and needs. It was the craziest thing, and she hadn't really messed with the power much, but she was eager to give it a shot now.

_Let's just see if the vampire look suits me_, she thought with a smirk, but then she heard a loud, impatient huff that she instantly recognized as Granny's, and so she quickly stopped her internal bragging and sprang into action.

The first thing Emma did was tap into her Glamour power. She used it to Glamour herself a new wardrobe, which no one really responded to, except her wife. That one didn't surprise her at all considering the outfit she'd Glamoured herself into. Her face was suddenly painted beautifully, smoky eye makeup and a blood-red lipstick. Her hair was pulled back into a funky, sexy faux-hawk of sorts and her outfit practically made her look like Cat Woman—sinfully tight, black leather pants and matching top that showed off her cleavage; not to mention the knee-high, heeled leather boots. She didn't have a clue why that was the outfit that came to mind, but for some reason, probably thanks to modern movies and television, Emma mentally associated vampires with slutty costumes and cleavage. _Ten points for dedication, bitches, _she thought to herself as she fought not to burst into laughter as she saw Regina's jaw practically smack into her chest.

"Lame!" Ruby shouted, and Emma instantly shot her a glare. The brunette just grinned at her and amended, "Hot, but lame! Step up the game, Em!"

"Quiet, Ruby," Regina suddenly cut in, scolding the wolf but not taking her eyes off of her wife as her mouth began to water and she felt a tug low in her stomach. She arched an eyebrow at the blonde as she stared at her with nothing but pure lust in her eyes and said, "Go ahead, dear," with a wink.

Emma could only shake her ahead, chuckling quietly to herself as she closed her eyes and concentrated on her own biological makeup. She called her magic forth again and began to manipulate her DNA. It was like a puzzle except that Emma somehow just knew exactly where every piece was and where it would fit to achieve the right picture, the picture Emma had focused on in her mind.

She heard people begin to react as the effects became visible, though she mostly heard sounds of confusion as no one was quite sure yet of what she was actually doing. Her skin paled entirely, and she couldn't help but to internally laugh at herself and think, _Who's the fairest of them all now, Mom? _ She was actually starting to get pretty excited about this little trick, because she knew two of the powers she possessed would pair very well with the whole vampire thing, so she regained her focus on the bio manipulation so that she could get through that phase quickly and onto adding the final touches for the full effect.

She heard a few gasps as she manipulated her fingernails to lengthen and shape into sharp points at the ends until she had wicked, almost claw-like nails. She opened her mouth so that everyone could witness the next step as she then manipulated her two upper canine teeth to drop and lengthen into dangerously long and insanely sharp fangs. _Everyone _gasped then, her wife the loudest of them all. She'd recognize that intake of breath anywhere, as many times as she'd inspired it in the bedroom. She smirked at the sound, wincing a bit as one of her new fangs cut into her bottom lip. _Shit, maybe I made these things too sharp, _she cursed to herself.

Her eyes were closed so she didn't see it, but as soon as those fangs dropped into view, Regina's chocolate eyes flashed obsidian and she quickly snapped her fingers. A paper hand-fan appeared in her right hand and she instantly began waving it back and forth to fan herself. _Oh good gods, _she thought as she continued to fan herself, hoping that her wife's little show was going to last a good, long while.

Emma then elicited another great chorus of gasps and "wows" as she opened her eyes to reveal the final biological manipulation she'd performed on herself. Her eyes had lost their bright emerald color and were now a dead, milky white color with only the tiniest dots of black in their centers, which was admittedly creepy as hell given the way several people shivered a bit as she locked gazes with a few of them. She wanted to laugh with how much she enjoyed eliciting such a reaction. She'd always loved Halloween and this was like that times a billion. Freaking awesome!

_Alright, Emma, _she told herself, _time for the big show. _She summoned her courage and hoped she wasn't about to embarrass the hell out of herself with shitty acting skills or something as she suddenly shot into the air, summoning forth her power of Levitation. She spun quickly in the air and did a backwards flip before landing on her feet and instantly calling forth her super speed. She shot so quickly across the field that she was but a blur of black leather as she sped up to people in the crowd at random, suddenly appearing right in front of them, her dead eyes locked on them and her fangs bared as she hissed dramatically at them, raising her claws threateningly, and causing quite a few people to yelp or even scream in shock and fear.

Henry was loving it as Emma suddenly sped in a blur to the judges' table, leaping atop it, careful to hover over it rather than putting her weight on it because she didn't want the rickety old thing to collapse. She cocked her head creepily to the side as she bared her fangs and pressed her face mere inches from his and then Snow's. Henry laughed and fist-pumped, but Snow looked completely terrified, which Ruby was cackling animatedly about as she cheered her best friend on.

Emma saved the best for last, though, rapidly shooting over to her wife and instantly levitating into the air before very slowly lowering herself so that her face was but a breath from Regina's as she still hovered dramatically in the air above the brunette, fangs out and eyes locked onto obsidian pools. She was hoping to elicit at least a squeak of surprise or even fear from her wife, but what she got instead was…interesting. She didn't know whether to find it amusing, flattering, hot, or entirely disturbing when Regina let out a staggered breath and whispered, "I am _so _aroused right now, Emma."

The blonde heard a loud bark of laughter from behind them and she knew that Ruby had overhead, to which she could only roll her milky white eyes and be thankful that no one else there had wolf senses. Well, there was Granny, but at least _she _had the good grace to be mature and keep her mouth shut most of the time. Emma decided that she quite liked the effect her little show was having on her wife, so she suddenly shot forth a clawed hand and grabbed Regina's wrist, causing the woman to drop her paper fan to the ground as she gasped almost enthusiastically. Emma then brought Regina's wrist to her mouth and carefully, lightly scrapped the tips of her fangs along the inside of her wife's wrist, stinging at the delicate flesh just enough to barely break the skin so that tiny droplets of blood bubbled to the surface. She smirked as that elicited a tiny moan from her wife before she licked away the little bit of blood and grinned wickedly at Regina, who could only snap her fingers with her other hand.

A second fan instantly appeared in Regina's left hand, which she then began to cool her face with as she stared at her wife like she wanted to devour her right there in the field behind Town Hall in front of half of the town's residents. Emma winked at her before lowering herself entirely to the ground and manipulating her biology once more so that she looked like herself again. She then Glamoured herself back into her regular clothes, light makeup, and let her blonde curls fall free.

As soon as she was entirely back to normal, everyone clapped enthusiastically for her, but Regina could only arch that eyebrow and stare at her wife with an expression that practically screamed, _Why the hell haven't we tried that in the bedroom?! _

"Awesome, Ma!" Henry shouted from behind them, catching both their attentions. They both turned to face him as he excitedly spouted off the short list of powers Emma had used. "Glamouring, Super Speed, Levitation, _and _Biological Manipulation."

"Good eye, kid," Emma said with a grin, not surprised by her son's extensive knowledge of magic. He was Regina's kid after all.

"Yeah, Em," Ruby agreed, "and you make a totally hot vampire."

Emma could only shake her head and laugh at her best friend before noticing the entirely uncomfortable expression on her mother's face. She arched an eyebrow at Snow, and the raven-haired woman smiled awkwardly at her before saying, "Sorry, honey. You know I've been terrified of vampires ever since you made me watch that movie with the people in Alaska. What was it?"

The blonde laughed loudly at that and answered, "_30 Days of Night_. I forgot about that. Sorry Mom."

"It's alright, sweetheart. You were very convincing, and your powers were rather impressive."

"Absolutely," Charming chimed in. "I didn't know you had super speed! Very cool."

Emma grinned brightly at her father before looking to Granny who only shrugged and nodded her head before saying, "Eh, it was okay. If I wanted to see fangs, though, I could just follow Ruby around during the full moon."

"They're pretty awesome fangs, too," Ruby said, grinning. Emma scowled at both of them before turning back to her wife and arching a brow at her.

"Don't listen to her, dear," Regina said, her eyes still cloudy and dark as she continued to picture Emma as the vampire over and over again in her mind. "It was _very…_exhilarating."

"Uh huh," Emma said, smirking. "Your move, Regina."

That seemed to snap the brunette to attention as she frowned and asked, "What?"

Emma laughed out loud then and said, "It's your turn."

"Oh," Regina mumbled, shaking her head, "Right."

* * *

It took Regina a few minutes to get into magic mode considering the flustered, heated mess her brain had been reduced to in the wake of her wife's freakishly hot vampire impersonation. Once she'd cleared her head enough to focus, it didn't take her too long to come up with a plan. Fantasy was a strong suit for her given the range of powers she had, so she wasn't too concerned about the theme even on her second turn. She knew she could easily amaze, and she didn't need to turn into a vampire to do it…a hot, _hot_, leather-clad, hot vampire.

She suppressed a shiver as she walked into the center of the field and instantly began to mutter under her breath. The day instantly disappeared, the sky shading and turning to the blackest night any in the town had ever experienced. It was literally impossible to see as everyone gasped and squinted around to no avail, but then the purest and most breathtaking white light began to shine down atop them as Regina manipulated the weather, the air cooling to the point that everyone could see their breaths in tiny wisps and puffs and a massive netting of brilliant bright stars appeared in the clearest, most beautiful night sky anyone had ever seen.

As the stars provided light once more, everyone gasped loudly, ooing and awing as they realized that they were now surrounded by a massive jungle, giant trees, sprawling roots, massive flowers and sprouts, and vines spreading in every direction. Regina smiled brightly. She had always loved nature as it had always made her feel so peaceful, so…connected, like she was truly a part of something special. She continued to utter incantations under her breath as she called forth her magic and began to manipulate the various forms of plant life around her. Everyone expressed their surprise and their awe as the vines and the trees and the flowers surrounding them began to glow and light up all different colors.

Regina then lifted her hands into the sky and began to stroke back and forth as if she was painting, which fit perfectly considering the way large streaks of color, purples and teals, began to dance out from her fingers and linger between the stars. Everyone was so in awe that they simply couldn't stop gasping and pointing and just trying to look at everyone all at once, but Regina wasn't finished there. She brought her hands together and conjured small colored balls of various sizes, each looking like a tiny planet. Some even had rings. One by one, she tossed the balls into the air and magically forced them to stick high in the sky, hovering as if they were some visible planet in distant space, only no one needed a telescope to see them. It was absolutely breathtaking.

For a stunning final touch, Regina swirled and disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke, after which everyone glanced around trying to see where or how she would reappear. Instead of seeing Regina again, though, each and every person was completely blown away to see a magnificent, large, and beautifully bright white unicorn step out from between two massive trees and into the small clearing, the creature's gorgeous pearly coat shining and sparkling in the multicolored cast of the sky and the gleaming canopy of stars.

An extremely high-pitched, childlike squeal ripped through the crisp night air and everyone turned to see a freakishly excited Snow White on her feet, her emerald eyes blown wide open and her hands clapping rapidly together. "Oh my goodness, a unicorn!" she shrieked before practically knocking her chair over in order to sprint around the table. She halted herself a few feet away from the unicorn and just stared at it as if it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, and Emma was shocked to see that her mother actually had tears in her eyes.

"Oh, it's so beautiful," Snow whispered in awe. "I haven't seen one since I was a little girl." She cautiously and respectfully dipped into a bow, following the custom she'd learned as a child in the Enchanted Forest. Unicorns were proud creatures and would return respect and loyalty only where it was first given freely and purely. The unicorn watched the raven-haired woman before dipping into an echoing bow signaling that Snow had permission to approach and interact with it.

Emma cracked up as Snow squealed like a child again and then stepped forward, reaching her hands out and stroking them gently across the unicorn's soft, nearly iridescent coat. Emma thought it was pretty adorable how enamored her mother was with the unicorn, as if she had just been dropped into a magical fantasy world like Wonderland or Narnia or…well, those were the only two she could think of in the moment. Regardless, it was pretty amusing and definitely made her love her mother even more in that moment.

"Wherever did Regina find one?" Snow asked, her voice so full of awe that she was practically singing, which instantly had both Ruby and Emma cracking up. "Can she conjure an entire living animal? Did she somehow transport it from the Enchanted Forest?"

"Uh, Grandma," Henry deadpanned, "That _is _Mom."

"Huh," Snow mumbled, distracted by the beauty of the majestic creature in front of her. "What was that, sweetie?"

Henry laughed as he said, "Mom IS the unicorn."

Snow gasped as she looked more closely at the beast. The unicorn stared right at her and dramatically rolled its big, brown eyes. "Oh my goodness!" Snow exclaimed. "Regina, it IS you!"

The unicorn snorted at those words, and everyone burst into laughter because even as a unicorn, Regina could still manage to sound sarcastic. "Well, that was hardly necessary," Snow said indignantly, "but I love you so much right now for giving me a unicorn that I'm going to let that rude snort and the eye-roll pass this time." The raven-haired woman smiled brightly at Regina the unicorn, a smile that somehow grew even wider as the creature responded by nuzzling its nose against the side of Snow's face.

Only seconds later, though, Snow White's face was completely crestfallen as purple smoke billowed around the unicorn, and Regina reappeared in its place. She then waved a hand to return the scenery and the sky to normal, and everyone had to blink rapidly to adjust their eyes to the light as each had forgotten that it was actually day-time. Regina grinned at Snow before poking her in the side and saying, "Well, don't look so happy to see me, Snow."

Snow's lips instantly turned up in a new smile as she poked back at her former stepmother, now daughter-in-law, and said, "Sorry. I just really loved the unicorn."

"Yes, I know," Regina told her. "That's why I transformed into one. They were always your favorite when you were young."

Everyone just kind of stared awkwardly at the two women as they laughed and chatted together for a few minutes. It was still so strange for some of them to see Snow and Regina not only being civil but actually being friends—REAL friends, not the kind of friends who pretend to be civil in public but are secretly plotting the other's demise behind closed doors. It was just an odd sight, a welcome one no doubt, but definitely odd. Emma, though, absolutely loved it. So did Henry and Charming. They both loved the Snow/Regina friendship much more than the Snow/Regina rivalry. It was a win-win for everyone in the family.

"Well, that's not fair!" Emma griped half under her breath. "I didn't know that Mom loved unicorns or I might've…" She stopped herself there as Regina arched an eyebrow at her in question, because both of them knew that Emma did not have the power of Transmogrification. She could transform things and she could morph into standard animals, mostly domesticated creatures, but she had never been able to transmogrify into fanciful or fantastic creatures. She had never mastered that ability, not that she'd ever put much time or effort into it. She didn't mess with her magic much outside of pulling pranks on people in town every once in a while.

As soon as she fell silent, Regina only smirked at her and shook her head, and then the crowd suddenly seemed to shake out of their awkward silence and began praising Regina for the gorgeous fantasy world she'd created and the absolutely magnificent unicorn. Even Granny gushed about it, little bits of it having reminded her of home and bringing a few tears to her eyes. Emma was at a major disadvantage with that one, because Regina's little show had apparently not only wowed everyone, but it had also touched hearts considering that several of the people truly missed the Enchanted Forest.

_Well, shit, _Emma thought as her wife came to stand beside her again. _I refuse to lose this damn competition!_

"You know, I did just as much of that for you as I did for Snow," Regina said quietly, catching the blonde's attention. Emma's brow furrowed as she looked at her wife questioningly. Regina just sighed and said, "Emma, you've made me watch that _Avatar _movie with you a dozen times, and you constantly gush over the glowing plants of the jungle and the colorful sky. I thought you would like it if I created something similar to it."

Emma instantly felt guilty at that. Here she was resenting her wife for being freaking amazing and all that, and there was Regina being not only amazing but also incredibly sweet and considerate. "It was beautiful, R," Emma whispered lovingly. "Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't say anything before. I got a little wrapped up in how badly you're kicking my ass right now. It was really awesome, though. Now I'm going to have to up my game even more for the next round."

Regina just sighed as she shook her head and thought, _Gods help me when I win this thing. _She seriously considered just throwing the whole thing and letting Emma win so that she could avoid being twat-blocked by yet another dumb competition, but Regina's own pride could only handle so many blows. She wasn't the type to brag about her talents and skills, or to hold them over her wife's head, but she also wasn't the type to back down from a challenge. Emma needed to learn not to be so competitive and cocky anyway.

"Time for scores!" They heard Henry exclaim and both turned to look at the judges' table where each of the five judges were jotting down numbers on large index cards. "Okay, so you each get one score for the round, which is based on both turns you took. So, first up is Ma."

Henry, Ruby, Snow, Charming, and Granny all held up their first large, white index cards at the same time to show Emma's scores for Round One. Henry held up a 7, to which Emma internally scoffed, but tried not to let it get to her. Both Ruby and Snow held up an 8, and though Emma really would've only been totally happy with perfect scores, she was at least a little more satisfied with the eights than with her own son's crappy seven. Charming held up a 7 also, and Granny…Emma's jaw dropped as she saw that Granny was holding up a 3.

"A THREE?!" Emma exclaimed, completely furious. "What the hell, Granny?!"

"Yeah, Granny, that's pretty harsh," Ruby jumped in, though she was doing her best not to just burst out laughing at the look on Emma's face. She thought the entire competition was ridiculous, but she was trying to be supportive of her bestie. Granny being a harsh judge, though, was really more amusing than it was surprising.

"Hey, you get as good as you give," Granny grunted, simply shrugging her shoulders as she dropped her card back on the table.

Emma huffed loudly as she glared at Granny before Henry interrupted the heated moment to say, "Alright, so that's a combined score of 33 for Ma for Round One. Good job, Ma."

"Thanks kid," Emma grumbled.

"Yes, very well done, darling," Regina added, to which Emma could only scowl and roll her eyes because she had a feeling she wasn't going to like what she was about to see when the judges held up their scores for her wife.

"Okay, now for Mom," Henry said, and the five of them held up their score cards for Regina. Emma groaned aloud and mentally smacked the crap out of Henry for the big black 9 he held up for his adoptive mother. _Such crap_, Emma thought, her pride feeling like it had just been punched so hard in the gut that it would never breathe again. Ruby held up a 9 as well, which didn't nearly bother her as much as Snow's perfect 10.

"A perfect score?!" Emma shouted. "What the hell, Mom? Just because of a unicorn?! I'm your _daughter_!"

Snow looked guilty as she bit her lip and explained, "Well, honey, it was a beautiful unicorn, and um…well, technically Regina is my daughter, too…you know, your marriage and all."

"What?! That doesn't count!" Emma snapped, finding that reason entirely ridiculous even though it was absolutely true.

"Oh, put a can in it, sister," Leroy grumbled from the crowd. "You wanted impartial judges, and that's what you got. Don't complain when they do what you wanted."

Emma didn't have a fragment of a comeback for that, because the dwarf was absolutely right, so she just rolled her eyes and scowled and grumbled to herself childishly as she read the other score cards for her wife. Charming's was a 9, and Granny's was a 6. Emma was pleased with Granny's lower score, but still pissed that it was significantly higher than the one that Granny had given _her_.

"Thank you everyone," Regina said kindly, nodding to everyone as she smirked internally to herself at her wife's ridiculous behavior. _Such a sore loser_, she thought. _An adorable sore loser, though, no less. _

"Oh don't act like you've got the advantage now," Emma snapped at her wife. "I can comeback in the next round, you know."

"Emma, I have acted in no such way," Regina told her, grinning wickedly. "I haven't even said anything."

"Psh, whatever, R," Emma bit out. "I can practically smell your smugness from here."

"Whatever you say, dear."

"Okay!" Henry said loudly, trying to cut through his birthmother's childish moment and get on to the next round of the competition. "So that gives Mom a collective score of 43 and puts her in the lead."

Emma huffed loudly and said, "Not for long. Round Two, people. Let's go!"


	5. Chapter 5

Sore Loser

Chapter Five

"Okay, I suppose it is my turn to choose the theme, then," Snow said, looking both excited and nervous. "Right, honey?" She looked at Emma with wide eyes. "You did say Round Two was mine?"

"Yeah, Mom," Emma said, nodding. "Make it a good one."

"Goodness, there's so much to choose from," Snow said as she grinned at Charming like an excited child. He smiled encouragingly at her as he put an arm around the back of her chair and patted her shoulder lovingly. "Okay, um…how about music? Is that okay? Music and Entertainment, or is that not a good theme?" she asked, looking to both Regina and Emma for help.

Before either could say a word, though, Ruby clapped her hands together animatedly and shrieked, "Are you kidding me?! That is FREAKING FANTASTIC!"

Snow instantly turned giddy at that and giggled at Red like they were little girls at a sleepover as she clapped her hands together excitedly. Ruby high-fived her and said, "That's the theme I was going to choose next round!" The wolf then turned and shot a subtle wink to Emma, because it was exactly the theme that the blonde needed in order to uphold her end of their deal and have a little fun with her Mind Control power.

"Wow, Grandma," Henry chimed in, nodding in appreciation. "Music? Cool. I figured you would choose something having to do with rainbows or bluebirds or something equally cutesy."

Snow leaned over Ruby to smack Henry playfully as she exclaimed, "I'll show you rainbows and bluebirds!" Ruby, Charming, Henry, Emma, and Regina all cracked up as Snow teasingly swatted and tickled at Henry, but then a shrill, ear-piercing whistle ripped through the air, catching everyone off guard.

Everyone plugged their fingers in their ears and groaned. Granny rolled her eyes as she dropped her hand from her mouth and shrugged her shoulders. "What?" she barked as everyone turned to glare at her for the painful whistle. "Are we going to do this thing or not? Some of us have lives."

"Oh please, Granny, you wouldn't be doing anything anyway," Ruby said as she rolled her eyes and scoffed at her grandmother.

"Don't you sass me, Ruby," Granny snapped at her. "You know damn well that it's poker night."

"Alright, alright," Emma interjected, "let's just get on with it then since yeah, I'm sure all of you have other stuff you'd rather be doing."

All the people in the crowd just sort of glanced around at each other, shrugging their shoulders, and mumbling, before several looked at Emma and shook their heads, saying, "Nah" and "Nope, I'm good here," and "Not really." Except the Blue Fairy, who smiled and said, "Just poker night, but nothing else."

Emma choked and spluttered as Regina burst into laughter and Snow exclaimed, "Blue?! You play poker with Granny?"

Blue nodded animatedly as Granny gruffly said, "Yup, Blue's got a damn fine poker face. Probably all those years of telling people she couldn't grant their wishes when really she just didn't want to."

Blue gasped and looked completely shocked even as her cheeks turned red and she lowered her gaze to the ground. Regina cackled at that, too, because she had never much cared for the Blue Fairy considering none of her own wishes had ever been granted when she was growing up in the Enchanted Forest. When it was just she and Emma, Regina secretly referred to the former fairy as "that periwinkle mosquito."

"Sorry, Blue, but I tell it like it is," Granny said with another shrug of her shoulders as if she hadn't a care in the world.

Snow frowned at that, looking slightly hurt, both for herself as well as for Blue, and said, "Why haven't you ever invited me to play poker, Granny? I'm practically a second granddaughter to you."

"Snow, listen," Granny said, turning sympathetic eyes to the raven-haired woman, "I love you, but do you remember the time you came in the diner and I asked if you liked to play cards and you said 'Oh yes, Go Fish is my favorite'? Well, _that's _why, sweetheart."

Snow's cheeks turned a bright shade of red as several in the crowd chuckled, Ruby and Henry cackled as they nudged each other with their elbows, Charming patted his wife sympathetically, and Emma grinned while trying not to laugh. It was Regina, however, that laughed harder than anyone. "Go Fish?!" she exclaimed as she clutched at her stomach and laughed like her life depended on it.

"Damn, Mom," Emma said, unable to stop from laughing after seeing her wife completely lose it. "You've caused Regina to break out her evil-witch cackle with that one."

"No, that's her Snow-White's-Demise cackle," Ruby chimed in, grinning wickedly.

"You're both wrong," Henry cut in. "That's her you're-an-idiot laugh. Remember, Ma? She did that same laugh when you tried to sew up that hole in your pants and you ending up sewing the sleeve of your shirt to your pants in the process? She laughed like that for almost an hour that day."

Emma became a perfect imitation of her mother in that moment, her own cheeks going bright red upon hearing her son's words. She glanced over to Regina who completely lost it all over again and laughed even harder as the memory of Emma walking into the kitchen with her pants sewn to her arm flitted through her mind.

"She did it when Grandma tripped over the curtain rope and fell off the side of the stage at the school assembly last year, too," Henry added, to which Regina again fell into a fit of laughter along with everyone else.

Regina wiped at her eyes to clear away the tears that had slipped out in her laughing fit as she clutched at Emma's arm, and mid-laugh said, "Oh, honey, I love this family. You're all so amusing."

In that moment, Emma didn't even care that she'd been embarrassed. Regina's smile and laughter always caused her heart and stomach to do little somersaults and back-flips, and it made her smile as well. She wrapped an arm around her wife's shoulders and said, "Me too," as she pressed a tender kiss to Regina's temple. She then slid her lips down to Regina's ear and whispered, "Ease up on the teasing, though, babe or I might just have to spill about that _hilarious _time that you didn't know what the sock on Henry's doorknob meant and went in anyway. I believe it was _two weeks_ that you couldn't even look at him, wasn't it? Oh, and let's not forget the ten different books you bought him on puberty, masturbation, and 'How to Know When You Are Touching Yourself _Too_ Much'. The kid was mortified."

Emma almost burst into laughter just thinking about that. Henry had only been thirteen at the time, and Emma was the one who had told him that if he ever needed some "alone time" he should just put a sock on his doorknob so that she would know not to go in. That was right after she and Regina had gotten married, and Emma had accidentally forgotten to inform her wife of the new development, so when Regina saw the sock on the doorknob, she thought it was dirty laundry and Henry was just trying to get on her nerves. So, in she went, and instantly regretted it. She'd completely freaked afterward and went into ultra-Mom mode, buying every book she could find on puberty for boys. After a couple weeks, though, Emma had a talk with her and told her to chill out, and after that Regina mellowed out nicely and as she and Henry later began to develop such a close mother-son friendship, she relaxed much more and decided that her little boy was just becoming a man and she was going to have to accept it and let him be.

Regina smacked the hell out of Emma's arm as her own cheeks flushed crimson, and her laughter immediately died in her throat. Ruby's didn't though. Her eyes bugged out of her head as she glanced to Henry then glanced back to Emma and Regina before cracking up all over again. Emma grinned as she rolled her eyes at her best friend and thought, _We really shouldn't stand so close to Rubes. Bitch hears everything. _

Regina cleared her throat dramatically and whispered, "Point made, dear."

Emma chuckled as they kissed chastely before the blonde clapped her hands together with an air of finality and announced, "Alright, we _are _moving on _now_! Round Two, people." She then turned back to her wife and said, "You're up first this time, R."

"Very well," Regina said as she stepped forward toward the center of the field, squeezing her wife's hand lovingly as she passed by.

* * *

Regina wasted no time once she got to the center of the field. She knew she had an advantage as far as sound went, because she had the power of Sound Manipulation, meaning she could both create sound, as well as manipulate sound that already existed. She hadn't missed that not-so-subtle wink that Ruby had given Emma once the theme had been announced, so she knew that her wife had some sort of trick up her sleeve, and though Emma had no sound-related powers, Regina had never underestimated the blonde; at least, not since the Savior had broken the Curse wide-open and proven that she was a force to be reckoned with.

Still, Regina was feeling confident, as she always felt confident when it came to magic. She took in her surroundings and smiled as she realized just how extensive her little show could be, given everything that was available for her to draw upon. She closed her eyes and called forth her magic, using it to sense the sounds around her and separate them in her mind. Once she had clarified the various sounds surrounding her, she opened her eyes and began to throw her hands in all different directions, pointing at multiple objects and drawing their sounds out with her magic so that she could amplify and manipulate them.

She began by pointing to a small area of bushes just at the back of the small field they were standing in, where her power had allowed her to pick up on the quiet sounds of a grasshopper. She amplified the sound until it devoured the air in the open field and echoed around the crowd as if they were standing within a massive orchestral symphony hall. Once the sound had amplified beautifully, Regina pinched her thumb to her index finger as if latching onto a small knob or toggle and began to turn her hand back and forth as if tuning the music or changing the channel on a radio. She tweaked the music that way, and jaws dropped and eyes widened in awe as the cricket's song slowly began to change, growing in its magnitude, its sound waves lengthening, its tone becoming deeper, and then suddenly it was no longer a cricket, but a violin. It sounded like an entire orchestra of violins, playing beautifully so that the music echoed around the field and seeped into everyone's ears and hearts.

Regina then turned on the spot and pointed to her son. Henry was sitting at the judges' table and tapping his pen steadily against the table. He grinned as his mother smiled brightly at him before flattening her palm in his direction and raising her hand slowly as if trying to lift the sound into the air, which she did. The tapping rhythm grew in volume so that it was just slightly quieter than that of the cricket's violin, and then Regina used her fingers to tweak the sound again so that the tapping of the pen turned into that of a snare drum. Her hand then swept over the entire crowd as Regina called forth the sounds of their heartbeats, amplifying them and fine-tuning them so that they all beat in perfect rhythm, and developed the chorus of pulses into a soothing and smooth bass.

Emma couldn't help the smile that was firmly planted on her face as she stood in complete awe of her wife. Regina was an absolute wonder to her at times, so beautiful, so unique. It was nearly overwhelming sometimes and made her heart swell in her chest to the point of bursting. The purely blissful look on Regina's face only intensified the feeling for Emma, too. She couldn't help but fall just a little more in love with her wife in that moment, surrounded by a growing and stunningly beautiful symphony, and staring at the most gorgeous smile and chocolate eyes she'd ever seen.

Regina then pointed to the tops of several large trees in the distance and called forth the sound of their rustling leaves in the crisp breeze. She amplified the sound and then raised the pitch several octaves so that the rustling modified to a sound more like the tinkling of wind chimes. It was a beautiful touch to the growing symphony, but not nearly as gorgeous as what she did next. In her free hand, she conjured several small wooden tubes before using her power of Telekinesis to lift them high into the air and held them there. The breeze began to blow through the wooden tubes, and Regina latched onto the sound with her magic, tweaking it until the sound of flutes filled the air and turned the symphony so beautiful that some of the people in the crowd had actual tears in their eyes as they were literally _surrounded _by the music, part of which was coming from directly inside them.

She completely blew them away as she pulled sounds from every direction and turned them into moving music. She made piano sounds from the chatter of squirrels and the twitter of birds, trumpets and saxophones from Henry and Snow's laughter as she conjured feathers to tickle at them, and guitar sounds from Emma's boot laces, which she strummed steadily using her power of Telekinesis. It was truly awe-inspiring, and there wasn't a single person in the crowd that wasn't completely amazed by the show, even the ones who had little-to-no taste for classical music. It was one thing to hear music on a computer or CD, but it was quite another to literally stand within its waves and have it vibrate around you and from within you.

When the symphony finally came to a close, everyone erupted into a deafening round of applause, including Emma, who was still completely in awe of her wife, and she absolutely swooned when she saw her wife's cheeks flush adorably as Regina waved in gratitude to everyone. The brunette made her way back over to Emma's side, and as soon as she stepped next to the blonde, Emma turned to Regina and dreamily said, "Marry me."

Regina laughed beautifully at her before pressing a tender kiss to Emma's cheek and saying, "Been there, done that, dear."

"Regina, that was absolutely breathtaking," Snow said with tears in her eyes.

"Totes," Ruby agreed, nodding.

"Yeah, Mom, _totes_," Henry said, mimicking Ruby, who elbowed him in the side in response. They both laughed as Henry grinned at Regina and said, "But seriously, Mom, that was awesome."

"Thank you, darling," Regina told him sweetly as she squeezed Emma's hands, their fingers laced gently together.

"Music like that takes me right back to our wedding day," Charming said as he looked lovingly into Snow's eyes, making everyone around them subtly gag at just how cute it was.

"It was a beautiful ceremony," Snow said airily as they continued to stare sappily at each other.

"Psh, yeah," Ruby snorted, "until Regina busted in Evil-Queen style like 'Hey bitches, sorry I'm late!'"

The entire crowd went eerily silent as Regina's cheeks flamed red and she actually looked somewhat ashamed of herself, but then Snow and Charming shocked everyone by bursting into a wild round of laughter. Regina's head snapped up in disbelief as they laughed hysterically before Snow said, "It _was _quite the entrance." The raven-haired woman then turned and winked at Regina who let out a long sigh of relief and grinned brightly at Snow, joining in the laughter. The rest of the crowd quickly followed, and Emma rubbed Regina's back as she cracked up with them.

"How did you do that glide-walk thing?" Charming asked Regina. "_That _was impressive."

"And hot," Ruby added with a wink in Regina's direction, to which Emma grumbled and glared at her best friend. Ruby only laughed at the blonde and said, "Oh get over it. That was before you even existed."

"Okay, no," Emma said, putting up a hand to stop that line of conversation before it every even got started, "We're not going to get into the weird-ass timeline of things, ages, and relationships. Just no. It's complicated enough to think about it."

Everyone laughed about that because it was absolutely true. The timeline was definitely skewed thanks to the Curse, but few had a problem with it any longer, because not only had they gained an extra three decades of life that they probably wouldn't have had otherwise, but many great things came out of the Curse. They got modern technology, electricity, and plumbing, which was pretty much a redeeming factor in itself to some of the residents of Storybrooke, let alone other factors. Some of them were able to escape less-than-fortunate circumstances, curses, and fates that had affected their lives in the Enchanted Forest for years. Some of them were now human were they once hadn't been. The list went on and on. Many people in the town were still sore about the Curse and being separated from the people they loved for many years or were simply unable to see Regina as anything other than the Evil Queen, but for the most part, the people of Storybrooke had let it all go and learned to love the side of Regina that she'd previously kept hidden for so long.

"Well, Charming," Regina said, clearing her throat and waving a dismissive hand in regard to the conversation Ruby had accidentally sparked, "it's really rather simple. A little magic, a fancy outfit, and a lot of attitude. That's all."

"Well, sign me up," Emma said, winking at her wife, before leaning over and quietly whispering, "No seriously, sign me up to see this glide-walk thing you guys are talking about. I mean, Evil-Queen outfit and magical walk? Hells yes, please."

Regina laughed at that as she squeezed her wife's hand, but before she could respond, Granny cleared her throat loudly and said, "Back to the competition, people. Regina, dear, that was all well and good, but not really my thing, sorry. My kind of music is a little more upbeat."

Regina nodded demurely at Granny in understanding, completely unfazed by the remark. She was actually having a great time with the whole competition, though she was still a bit concerned that it would blow up in her face when she won the thing. Emma's eyes had brightened at Granny's comment, and she leaned around Regina to secretly wink and grin at Ruby who was now practically bouncing around in her seat with excitement. Both of them knew it was time for the little show they'd planned.

"Alright!" Emma announced as she squeezed her wife's hand one last time before making her way over to stand next to the judges' table. "My turn!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, friends. I finally finished moving this past weekend, and so I hadn't had a chance to update, and then when I tried to update, the website wouldn't let me log into my account, so I've had some technical difficulties. All is well now, though, so hopefully there will be no more upsets.**

**This has been my favorite chapter to write thus far. I hope you all will enjoy it as well, and please review and let me know what you think! I appreciate all of your support and thank you all for taking the time to read this and especially to those of you who choose to review. XO-Chrmdpoet**

Sore Loser

Chapter Six

Emma practically vibrated where she stood beside the judges' table, obviously sharing Ruby's excitement for the show that was about to take place. She turned toward the crowd and said, "Uh, sorry friends, but I'm going to have to borrow some of you for this next one!"

"Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" Ruby hollered, fist-pumping the air enthusiastically even though absolutely nothing had happened yet. "DO IT!"

Many in the crowd glanced uncomfortably around at each other and then back and forth between Ruby and Emma. It was obvious that they were uncertain as to whether or not they wanted to participate in whatever it was that the blonde had planned. Emma didn't give them much of a chance to make a decision, though, before she practically shouted, "Quit freakin' out! Let's do this!"

She then shot her hands up to her own head, pressing the tips of her fingers to her temples and closing her eyes. She called forth her power of Mind Control, and almost instantly, ten different people in the crowd went ramrod stiff, their bodies rigid as statues and their eyes glazed entirely over as if their souls were no longer even present. After only a few seconds, their bodies relaxed as if adjusting to the invasion of the blonde's encompassing control, but their eyes remained glazed over as each of the ten people shuffled forward and into the center of the field.

The Blue Fairy was at the front of the group, just next to Leroy. Emma had chosen her specifically as a good laugh for her wife, knowing Regina would appreciate the little show. Archie was also in the group, along with Marco and a few others. Emma couldn't help her grin as she kept the fingers of one hand pressed firmly to her temple and used her other hand to wave a wide arc over the small group of people, summoning forth her Glamouring power.

Little white sparks danced on the flesh and hair and clothing of the ten people standing in the center of the field, each of them entirely too entranced to even notice, and then suddenly their appearances began to change. Their clothes, ensconced in magic, shredded into ragged tatters and instantly became caked with dirt and grime. Their hair grew dirty and frazzled or sparse or even nonexistent as their flesh faded to a sickening gray and became gnarled, wrinkled, and even began to peel away in places. Black oozing goo spilled from their lips and open wounds, and some even had exposed bones or teeth from segments of missing cheeks. Their eyes turned milky white, their fingernails grew long and yellow, and their bodies began to hunch a bit.

The judges and the rest of the crowd gasped with their shock and some even with their complete disgust at the new and horrifying appearances of their friends. Snow's hand was firmly cupped around her mouth as her emerald eyes went wide and she shook her head steadily back and forth in an obvious display of her disapproval. Ruby, though, was still bouncing in her seat even as her own eyes went as wide as Snow's. She was completely fascinated by the realistic effect of her friend's magic and how much it matched exactly what she'd imagined in her mind, and even went beyond that. It was incredible.

"Zombies!" Henry shouted enthusiastically, nudging Ruby in the side absentmindedly with one arm and smacking Emma's thigh just as absentmindedly with the other. He was entirely enthralled. "This is awesome!"

Emma chuckled a bit as her son's deep voice drifted up to her and warmed her heart, and she said, "Just wait, kid."

Once she had properly Glamoured ten of the townspeople into very convincing zombies, Emma waved her free hand again and cast forth an illusion to replace the current scenery. The small field and the Town Hall faded away and were replaced by a dark and overgrown cemetery, ancient headstones leaning or crumbling around them, weeds sprouting up around barely visible epitaphs. There was enough open space just in the center of the graveyard for the small group of ten to stand and move around, and suddenly a loud and echoing gasp wrenched through the air.

Everyone but Emma, who kept her focus on the group of people she was still holding in place with her magic, turned to look at Granny. The elderly woman's eyes were wide and her mouth was gaping open, to which Ruby instantly began to giggle, her excitement only growing. "I just realized what you're doing!" Granny said in an almost-whisper, an almost reverent whisper.

"Granny, don't freak out," Ruby said, still giggling excitedly, though everyone else just seemed a bit confused. Regina was the only other exception to that, though. She had been in Storybrooke since 1983, and had secretly been a huge fan of this world's music. So she knew _exactly _what her wife was doing, and though she wasn't showing it on the surface, she was fairly excited herself. Emma was just full of surprises.

"Too late, Ruby," Granny said, her own thrill now evident in her voice. "It's far too late for that."

Emma just chuckled and snapped her fingers, conjuring her iPod. She kept one hand pressed to her temple as she shuffled through her songs, turned the volume all the way up, and then selected the song she was looking forward. The music filtered quietly into the large space, so Regina, avoiding everyone's eyes, very subtly flicked her wrist to help her wife. Suddenly the volume of the music on the iPod grew exponentially, blasting through the graveyard and enveloping everything.

Emma's heart swelled in her chest as she shot a glance to her wife and caught those melted chocolate eyes for only a second. She smiled sweetly at her to say thank you, to which Regina nodded and smiled in return. God, she loved that woman.

A steady beat spilled into the graveyard, to which Ruby, Granny, and Henry instantly started bopping along. Wolf howls ripped through the air, causing the hairs on the back of everyone's neck to stand at attention, but Ruby could only grin like a fool, loving the sound. Emma sat the iPod on the judges' table and put her hand back up to her temple just as the beat built up for the first verse of one of the most popular songs to have ever been written.

_Ba doom doom doom doom doom_

_ Ba doom doom doom doom doom_

Suddenly, roars of laughter spilled into the graveyard from the judges and the remaining crowd, but primarily from Regina, as the zombie version of the Blue Fairy crept forward, her lips moving in perfect sync with the lyrics of the song as Emma commanded her via Mind Control.

_It's close to miiiiidnight. Somethin' evil's lurkin' in the dark._

Emma commanded Blue to tilt her head and throw up claws as she stared creepily at everyone while she lip-synched the lyrics. The remaining nine zombies all swayed to the beat behind her. Granny was practically salivating at this point, bouncing in her seat just as Ruby was, and unable to tear her eyes away from the scene.

_Under the moooooonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart._

_ You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it._

Ruby let out her own howl to add to the music, to which Emma could only grin like a fool and keep the show going, loving that she and her best friend had come up with this idea all those months ago at The Rabbit Hole. Tequila worked wonders for inducing genius apparently.

_You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes. You're paralyzed. _

Suddenly, Blue sank back into the small crowd of zombies just as a very dead-looking Archie lumbered forward, clapping twice as he twirled on the spot and picked up where the Blue Fairy had left off.

_You hear a door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run._

_ You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun._

Emma freed a hand then and conjured a ton of decrepit, fake zombie hands, one each hidden behind every person in the crowd, at the judges' table, and especially her wife. She used her power of Telekinesis to cause the hands to creep up on each person's shoulder, pressing into their necks, before disappearing altogether when each person whirled around, letting out yelps and even screams. Regina glared at her wife though she couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's dedication to the show. It was truly well done.

_You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination._

_ But all the while, you hear a creature creeping up behind._

_ You're out of time._

Archie fell back into the group of zombies just as Blue had done, and out crawled Leroy, looking particularly grotesque as a thick black liquid oozed out of his rotting mouth and his milky white eyes locked onto the judges' table.

_They're out to geeeeeet you, _he mouthed as he lurched closer to the judges' than any of the previous had, commanded forward by Emma's Mind Control. Snow let out a screech as she practically leapt into Charming's lap. She was enjoying the show and found it utterly entertaining to see her friends lip-synching the song, but Emma's Glamouring was almost too realistic and when it was only a foot or so from her, separated by nothing but a rickety old table, it was damn terrifying. _There's demons closin' in on every side._

Leroy clapped just as Archie had and spun on the spot as he mouthed, _Ooo, They will possess you, unless you change that numba' on your dial. _

The entire group of zombies all jumped into synchronized rhythm as they swayed and lip-synched as a chorus to the next part.

_Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together._

_ All through the night, I'll save you from the terror on the screen. _

"Ow!" Ruby howled, clapping to the beat. "Get it Grumpy!"

Emma cracked up at that just as the bass of the music grew even heavier and the lyrics died away. Suddenly, the crowd of zombies parted and the undead version of Marco crawled forward on his stomach through the overgrown weeds and between the headstones. Just the sight of it caused chills to erupt, and Snow could only groan as she covered her face and peeked between her fingers. Marco then mouthed the words slowly as the deep voice of the monologue echoed around them.

_Darkness falls on all the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize y'alls neighborhood. And whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down must stand and face the hounds of hell and rot inside a corpse's shell._

"Emma, make him stop!" Snow shouted just as Marco had reached the judges' table, his hands reaching up to clutch onto the edge and his rotted face creeping up into view.

_The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of forty thousand years, and grizzly ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal your doom._

"Don't you dare stop!" Granny barked, reaching over to smack Snow.

Emma kicked it up a notch then, commanding Marco to reach forth a decaying hand toward Snow's face as he mouthed, _And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver._

David laughed as Snow squealed and screamed when one rotten finger of Marco's hand slid down the back of her own hand that was covering her face. _For no mere mortal can resist, _he lipped as he cocked his head creepily, _the evil of…the thriller. _

Marco finally backed away from Snow, crawling back to the rest of the zombies as they each began to moan and groan and grumble, the music coming to an almost pause. Emma then, without anyone noticing, Glamoured herself into a decaying zombie, and then in a flash of Super Speed, appeared right in front of Regina. The brunette let out a chilling scream before huffing and smacking the hell out of her wife's arm.

Emma could only grin at her with rotted teeth before speeding over to stand at the head of the zombies, keeping one hand pressed to the ragged, peeling flesh of her temple at all times. Ruby and Henry were now fist-pumping in unison as Emma joined the group, hollering their approval as Granny clapped her hands excitedly. The tempo of the music picked up one more time, and that was when the real show began—the infamous Thriller dance.

Emma led the group of zombies in a stiff, yet incredible recreation of the dance from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video, as she stomped forward, the others mimicking her movements with glazed over eyes and decaying limbs. They each popped their shoulders up to the beat before throwing their arms out, hips gyrating and thrusting forward as they sidestepped toward the judges table, staying in perfect rhythm with one another. Regina couldn't help herself then. She let out her own hoot of approval, loving the way her woman danced despite the fact that Emma looked positively disgusting in that moment.

Emma moved them through the steps of the dance in perfect timing, not missing a single beat, and not a single person was able to keep from laughing and cheering when the zombies' hands dropped to their crotches, their hips thrusting forward to the beat as they hopped forward. Regina cackled loudly as Blue enthusiastically thrust forward, bouncing to the beat with her hand cupped over herself. She couldn't help but love Emma even more in that moment, because damn if that wasn't one of the funniest things she'd ever seen.

Hands shot up in unison in one resounding clap before each zombie dropped, legs whipping out before sliding back in as their heads bobbed together. Stomp. Shoulder shrug. Head snap. And then repeat. It was positively awesome to watch.

The zombies all then shimmied as they skipped forward in perfect rhythm before stopping on a dime and throwing up their claw hands to the right then left. Emma was absolutely loving it. She loved to dance, though she hardly ever did it in front of anyone else, but she didn't really care at this point. It was all part of the show, and she knew that everyone was thoroughly entertained.

The group of zombies split then, some walking to the left, some walking to the right, throwing up their claw hands once more—right, left, right, and turn—before coming back together in unison, their feet all leaving the ground as they jumped. The rest of the crowd, the judges, and Regina were all clapping along now, each throwing out their own shouts of encouragement at random points in the song as Emma commanded the zombies through the rest of the dance.

They all crouched, hands on their knees, as they marched away from the judges table, but then Blue suddenly whirled on the spot, her mouth wrenching open as lyrics shot into the air and she lip-synched along with them.

'_Cause this is thriller!_

The zombies all turned then and began the next part of the dance, Emma at the head of them with a massive oozing grin on her face. She was having more fun than she'd ever be able to express. She caught Ruby's eyes and winked, her way of saying what an awesome idea this had been. Ruby just laughed and nodded as she clapped along to the beat and cheered them all on.

_Thriller night, and no one's gonna' save you from the beast about to strike!_

_You know it's thriller! Thriller night!_

All of the zombies but Emma dropped to the floor at that, just as Emma twirled on the spot, spinning in place with perfect skill to the very loud encouraging whoops of her wife. The zombies then began to rise around her again.

_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller…_

_You know it's thriller! Thriller night!_

Emma then used her Super Speed to zip over to Regina. She danced right in front of the grinning brunette, winked at her, and mouthed in synch with Blue to the next lyrics.

'_Cause I could thrill you more than any ghoul could ever dare try!_

_Thriller! Whoooo hooo! Thriller night!_

_So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, chiller…_

Emma shot back over to the rest of the group as the lyrics carried on through the repeated chorus and danced with each of them randomly as she commanded them all to keep moving until the end of the song. As soon as the last note faded, every single person who wasn't under Emma's Mind Control and of course, Emma herself, erupted into deafening applause and cheers.

Emma panted as she finally dropped the one hand from her temple and let her magic fall away from the ten townspeople and the scenery itself. Everything righted itself almost instantly, the graveyard fading away to be replaced once more with the small open field and the Town Hall. The ten members of the dance group were given back their normal appearances, their zombie flesh and clothing disappearing, including Emma who now looked like herself again, much to the delight of Snow, and their glazed over eyes blinked rapidly as they came back into control of their own bodies.

Blue, Leroy, Archie, Marco, and the others all stared at the crowd and judges curiously and then at each other, none even aware of what had just taken place. Archie looked at Emma and asked, "So how many of us will you need and what exactly do you need us for?"

Emma could only chuckle at that just as the rest of those in attendance did. She leaned heavily on her knees, drained not only from the energy expelled during the dance but also from the massive amount of focus and energy it required to use that much magic for an extended period of time. Mind Control always drained her more than any of her other powers, because it basically allowed her to host someone else's body for a while; however, it wasn't always that simple. Most of the time, while whomever she was controlling was completely oblivious to what was happening and often didn't remember afterwards, their minds and personalities would still subconsciously rage against the invading magic the entire time, trying to take back control. It was absolutely exhausting.

"It's already been done!" Ruby told him, laughing. "You just don't remember, because you were under Emma's Mind Control!"

"Don't worry, though," Henry piped up, grinning and holding up his iPhone for everyone to see, "because I got it all on video."

Emma lumbered happily over to her wife as the rest of the former zombies grumbled and made their back into the crowd. Regina opened her arms to the blonde just as Emma practically fell into her. "You shouldn't have pushed yourself so much, Emma," Regina scolded quietly as she stared into her wife's pale face. "You're white as a sheet."

"I know, babe, sorry," Emma breathed in a sigh as she leaned heavily on the brunette. "I just wanted it to be good."

"Oh, it was," Regina told her with a grin as she rubbed circles into Emma's back. "It was fantastic."

"Hell yeah it was fantastic!" Ruby shouted, having overheard the two of them.

Granny then surprised them all as she loudly said, "_That _was the single best thing I have ever seen!"

Everyone just sort of stared at her, wide-eyed and mouths gaping, until Ruby and Emma burst into laughter and Ruby loudly announced, "Granny _loves _MJ. Have none of you ever noticed the fact that Michael Jackson music is _always _playing in the background at the diner?"

"What can I say?" Granny said, shrugging. "He was the King of Pop, a legend!"

"That was awesome, Ma!" Henry chimed in, bowling over Granny's continued admiration. "I didn't know you could dance like that!"

"Mmm, yes dear," Regina whispered into Emma's ear, "You will have to do that dance for me again soon, preferably without the rotting flesh."

Ruby snickered as she nudged Snow who was still cowering against David's side. She blinked rapidly as she stared at her daughter before saying, "Well, honey…I thought it was very inventive and very…_very _realistic. Why must you always choose such terrifying displays of magic, though? Regina produces beautiful scenes and sounds, and you keep throwing out vampires and zombies and trying to scare the pants off of everyone here. I just don't get it."

"It was supposed to be funny, Snow," David said, chuckling as he winked at his daughter. "I thought it was great."

"Oh, it was great," Snow quickly said. "I'm not saying it wasn't great, Emma. It _was _great. I just prefer unicorns to zombies."

"Surprise, surprise," Henry muttered playfully, to which Snow launched across Ruby again and swatted at him while he roared his laughter.

"Well, I give it a ten," Granny said to a round of laughter and gasps. "A TEN!"

"Granny," Ruby huffed, "it's not time to score yet. They still get another turn this round."

"I don't care, Ruby," Granny snapped back at her. "I give it a TEN, a ten, a fucking ten!"

Everyone gasped loudly at that and Snow's and Ruby's heads both snapped toward the older woman. "Granny!" They both gasped out in unison, even though Henry, Emma, and Regina were all cackling like it was the funniest damn thing they'd ever heard. And it probably was.

"Maybe we _should _go ahead and end this round with just the one turn," Regina proposed once the laughter had died down a bit. She then turned to look at her wife and whispered, "Emma, I'm concerned that you're pushing yourself too hard. We should take a break. I'm fine with leaving this round after that turn."

Emma looked into Regina's pleading eyes and saw nothing but honest concern for her so she smiled and nodded and said, "Yeah, okay, we can do that," to which everyone in the crowd and at the judges' table just nodded their agreement. "But R, do you think you could still…you know…give me a little boost?"

"Of course, darling," Regina said with a grin. She then placed her hand gently to her wife's chest and used her magic to push some of her own energy into the blonde.

Emma's cheeks instantly flushed pink as the color returned to her and she felt a ton better and much more energetic than before. She leaned forward and pressed a loving kiss to Regina's lips and said, "Thank you."

"Anytime," Regina told her before pressing a quick kiss to Emma's cheek and turning back toward the judges' table. "So, shall we go ahead with the scores for this round, then?"

"Sure!" Henry said. "Mom, you're up first this time."

The judges each scribbled down their scores for Regina on large white index cards before holding them up for everyone to see. Henry and Ruby each gave her a nine for the incredible symphony of sounds she'd created. Snow gave her another perfect ten, grinning widely at her daughter-in-law as she remembered the beauty of the symphony, a much-needed relief from thoughts of the terror her daughter's show had induced. David, too, gave her a ten, and Granny held up a large, black six.

"Seriously, Granny?" Emma exclaimed, surprising everyone, including her wife. "A six?! Regina's symphony was freaking amazing!"

Granny didn't say anything, merely shrugging her shoulders and picking at her teeth with her thumb nail.

Emma could only roll her eyes, but then Regina squeezed her arm and teasingly asked, "Defending me now, love? Wasn't it only last round that you were griping about me receiving higher scores than you? What happened to my sore little loser?"

"She's a sore little winner now," Emma mocked back, sticking her tongue out at her wife. "No seriously, I just thought it was incredible, and it deserved a higher score…._nooooot _as high as mine, but pretty damn high."

Regina could only chuckle at that as she smirked at her wife and pulled her even closer so that they could lean more against one another. "Thank you all," Regina said sincerely as she nodded to the judges, "especially Snow and Charming for the perfect tens."

"Well deserved," Charming said as he winked affectionately at her.

"Absolutely," Snow said with a radiant smile.

Emma could only snort in laughter at her parents before she looked to Henry and said, "Next, please."

"Alright, alright," Henry said. "That gives Mom a total score of 44 for Round Two, which means her total for the competition so far is 87." He then motioned for everyone to hold up Emma's scores for the Music and Entertainment round.

Everyone oohed and awed as every judge but Snow held up a perfect ten, even Granny, who just kept nodding her approval as she waved her index card in the air. Snow's index card had a giant black five on it. "WHAT?!" Emma shouted as she looked at her mother's card. "Are you kidding me? A five?! You said it was great! Just because something scares you doesn't mean it isn't still awesome, Mom!"

"Honey, please calm down," Snow said meekly. "It's just a competition. Stop getting so upset. You did very well. It simply wasn't my cup of tea. It doesn't mean I love you any less, Emma, or am any less proud of you. You know you will always be my perf—"

"Okay Mom, I get it," Emma huffed, cutting her off as her cheeks turned red and Ruby and Henry burst into laughter.

Henry then stuck out his bottom lip in a mock pout, turned to Regina and Emma, and said, "Mom, Ma, will you always love me and be proud of me even if I do scary Michael Jackson dances? Will I always be your perf—"

"Shut it, kid!" Emma snapped, cutting him off just as she'd done to her mother, though she couldn't help her grin as Regina cackled and Snow launched, yet again, across Ruby's lap to swat at her grandson.

Ruby, Regina, and Henry all laughed together before Henry clapped his hands together to settle everyone and said, "Alright, that gives Ma a total of 45 points for Round Two, which means she wins the round by one point. And it gives you a total of 78 for the competition so far, Ma. So, technically, Mom is still winning, but you're not far behind now."

Emma smirked cockily at Regina, who could only roll her eyes in return. "Well, well," Emma sing-songed in her wife's ear, "looks like the game is heating up, Your Majesty."

"Mmm," Regina hummed as she arched an eyebrow at the blonde, "you had better be cautious then, Savior. You may get yourself burned."

They grinned at each other widely, both now determined to take Round Three for the win.


	7. Chapter 7

Sore Loser

Chapter Seven

"So, Ruby, you're up," Emma said, grinning at her best friend.

"Shit, man, I don't know," Ruby huffed as she tapped her fingers against the judges' table. "Snow stole my theme."

"Sorry!" Snow squeaked.

"It's cool," Ruby said, shrugging. "Now, I just have to think of something else is all."

"Wait," Leroy spoke up from the crowd. "Granny and Charming don't get to choose a theme? I mean, this is the last round, right?"

"Yeah, we put all of our names in a hat yesterday," Snow told him, "and then Regina and Emma drew out three names for the three rounds. They drew Henry, myself, and Ruby. It was very fair, Grumpy. No need to be concerned."

Leroy grunted in response before saying, "Whatever you say, Snow. I just wanted to see Granny's theme."

"You hear that, Ruby?" Granny said gruffly as she leaned forward and shot her granddaughter a look. "I've got _fans_."

"Oh yeah, Granny, you're all that," Ruby laughed.

"Hate to break it to you, Grumpy," Granny sighed, turning back to Leroy, "but I probably would've chosen something inappropriate anyway."

"Yes, and gods know I can only handle one round of a leather-clad wife in a single day," Regina muttered to Emma, who could only crack up and put her arm around the brunette. "I'm still tingling from that, by the way."

"Put your tingles away, Regina!" Ruby barked, laughing. "This is serious business."

Regina's entire face went red in that moment and she instantly turned to bury her face in the crook of Emma's neck. "Fucking wolves," she muttered against golden locks and soft skin, to which both Emma and Ruby cracked up all over again.

"Well, let's get on with it, Ruby," Granny cut in again. "It'll be sunset in a couple of hours."

"Alright, alright, chill. I'm thinking," Ruby snapped as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, well then no wonder it's taking forever," Regina quipped, gaining her tiny bit of revenge through poking fun at Ruby.

Everyone burst into laughter at that as Ruby narrowed her eyes at Regina, pointed at her, and said, "You're lucky I love you."

Ruby sighed then and said, "I wish it was an appropriate theme to just have you guys try to embarrass each other."

Everyone sort of chuckled at that, but a brilliant smirk erupted on Regina's face, and then suddenly her entire body was fading. It was like someone had erased her from a page. All that was missing were the shavings and the squeaking sound. "Shit!" Emma exclaimed before whirling on Ruby and yelling, "What the hell were you thinking saying something like that?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know she'd take it literally!" Ruby said quickly, eyes going wide.

"Seriously?!" Emma snapped. "It's _Regina_ for Christ's sake!"

"I'm confused," Archie stated from the crowd. "What's happened?"

"Mom went invisible," Henry told him with a huge mischievous grin on his face that easily communicated how much he was enjoying this new turn of events.

"Regina has the power of Invisibility?" Charming asked, intrigued.

"Yeah," Emma hissed, "which means she could be anywhere around us right now just biding her time so that she can spring something on me and embarrass the shit out of me since Ruby couldn't keep her mouth shut!"

"I said I was sorry," Ruby whined, though she secretly thought it was hilarious that Regina had instantly taken to the idea of a magical round of trying to embarrass her wife. Emma, though, was being a huge baby about it.

Regina held a hand over her mouth to keep from making any sound as she internally cackled about the way the entire crowd began looking all around. _Seriously? _She thought. _I'm invisible. Why are you even trying to visibly look for me? These people, I swear…_

She was standing right next to Henry who was laughing quietly to himself about the whole situation. Regina snuck one of her hands under the judges' table and nudged his knee. His grin only widened at that, and Regina was thoroughly impressed with her son's ability to play it cool. He put one of his hands under the table and Regina watched as he balled it into a fist. She grinned as she did the same with hers and bumped it against his. Well, she obviously had _his _approval.

Regina decided to make her move then, and she had a few plans in mind. First, she used her power of Telekinesis to tug on Blue's sweater. The fairy gasped and loudly exclaimed, "Something just touched me! I think she's over here!"

Regina almost laughed out loud as everyone zeroed in on that spot, and as soon as they did, she teleported herself (sans smoke this time) into the bushes at the far end of the field. Once there, she quickly used her Animal Morphing power to transform herself into a dog. She didn't want to do anything over the top, because that would automatically tip her wife off that it was her and not just a random animal. She made sure to make herself look extremely mangy and maybe even a little skinny so that she would appear as a stray that had simply wandered into the area, looking for food or affection. She knew that Emma (and Henry, too) had a soft spot for dogs, so she hoped it would be enough to trick the blonde.

She continued to use her power of Telekinesis to tug on random people's clothes to keep everyone thinking she was merely invisible and moving throughout the crowd as she stepped into the clearing in dog form, rustling the bushes as she went. No one noticed her at first, so she slowly padded her way over toward the judges' table and ducked underneath it while no one was paying attention. She rubbed up against Snow's leg affectionately, because she knew the woman would be unable to resist an animal of any kind, especially one that looked in desperate need of her care.

Snow yelped loudly as she felt the sensation before she quickly pushed her chair back and that yelp turned into a squeal and a loud, echoing, "Awww! Come here, puppy!"

Everyone instantly turned their attentions to Snow and the dog that she was trying to coax out from under the judges' table, and Emma narrowed her eyes in suspicion. She could hardly make out the dog's appearance, but she was definitely wary. She wouldn't put anything past her wife.

Regina immediately did as Snow said and went forward, dipping her head into Snow's hands as the raven-haired woman sniffled, tears already building in her eyes, and said, "Oh Charming, look at her. She's so skinny. She must be a stray. Oh, honey, we have to help her!"

"Okay, Snow, we can do that," Charming said as he smiled down at the dog and reached out to pet it as well.

Ruby narrowed her eyes at the dog as well and very subtly (so as not to alert Emma just in case she was right in her suspicion that the dog was not actually a dog, but Regina) sniffed the air in the direction of the dog. It definitely smelled like a mutt, which caused Ruby to wrinkle up her nose and gag a bit. Emma didn't miss the reaction, either, and snapped her fingers at her best friend as she said, "Hey, Ruby, what? Did you smell it? Is it just a dog or is it Regina?"

Ruby scoffed as she wrinkled her nose some more, and said, "Ugh, it definitely stinks like a mutt. Probably hasn't had a good scrub in like a year." Of course, she conveniently left out the fact that far beneath the scent of the mutt and masked expertly well, was a slight hint of the very familiar scent of one Regina Mills. She knew the dog was Regina but she wasn't giving anything away. She made sure not to specifically say the words "No it's not Regina" or "Yes it really is a dog" because she knew that Emma would be able to detect it as a lie, and she definitely wasn't going to let the fun be ruined by her awesome senses. She silently gave serious props to Regina, though, because she had actually barely been able to detect the witch's scent beneath the mask of the magically created dog smell, and she doubted that Granny's duller (yet still heightened) senses would detect it at all.

Surprisingly, Ruby felt no shame in misleading her bestie. _Emma needs to learn a lesson anyway, _she thought._ You never know what's gonna happen in a magical competition! Should've thought about that one, Ems!_

Regina made a mental note to thank Ruby for the cover-up later as she let herself be scratched behind the ears by the animal-loving Snow White, and couldn't help but think _SCORE _the second she heard her wife say, "Oh, well okay. She is kinda cute. Poor thing."

It was the perfect distraction. Seemingly satisfied with Ruby's scent analysis and obviously distracted by her love of dogs, Emma knelt down then and whistled for the dog. She was only a few feet from the judges' table, holding her hand out for the dog to come to her, but Regina didn't move. It was all part of her plan.

"That's weird," Emma said, furrowing her brows as she pouted a bit. "Dogs usually love me."

"Don't be offended, honey," Snow said with a dopey grin as she patted Regina's back unknowingly. "It probably just senses all of the magic in the air and is a bit afraid. Animals are very perceptive, you know."

"Yeah, I guess," Emma said frowning. "Henry, you try."

Henry pushed his chair back and patted his lap as he said, "Come here, girl."

Regina instantly left Snow and Charming and practically leapt up into her son's lap. Henry laughed animatedly as he scratched her ears and nuzzled her face. Regina the dog licked Henry's cheek just as she heard Emma scoff and exclaim, "What the hell? The dog likes Henry, apparently. Must not be too freaked out."

"Well, Henry hasn't been performing magic," Ruby said then. "Maybe she smells it on you or something."

"Or maybe the mutt just doesn't like you," Granny growled. "Gods, get over it. You're a grown woman pouting over a dog because it doesn't come running when you call."

"That's a little harsh, Granny," Snow said, shooting a somewhat scolding glare at the elder woman.

"So what?" Granny barked. "Aren't we supposed to be here for a magical competition? Can't we just get the hell on with it already rather than focusing on a stray dog? Like I said, it's poker night!"

Emma had chosen to completely ignore Granny as she shot a glare at her son who had teasingly stuck his tongue out at her over the fact that the dog had chosen him over her. She scoffed at him while he scratched the dog and said, "Whatever dog. _Be _that way. You're not _that _cute, and you stink. I didn't want to pet you anyway."

It was in that instant that Regina decided to make her move. She dropped off of Henry's lap, braced her legs, claws digging into the dirt, and bared her teeth at her wife. Emma immediately went on guard, hands going up in a show of surrender as she said, "Whoa now." Everyone was shocked as the dog stalked forward just a few steps toward the blonde and bared its teeth again, growling low in its throat at the woman.

"Dude, Emma, you pissed her off!" Ruby said.

"Seriously?" Emma exclaimed. "It's a damn dog!"

"And? They have ears, Emma!" Ruby argued, snapping at her bestie and pretending to actually be offended by the statement. "They can understand the things we say."

"Well what the hell do I do?" Emma asked a little frantically as she started to panic a bit with the dog advancing on her and growling like it was ready to rip out her jugular and have it for dinner.

"You could try apologizing," Snow said, her face contorted with concern.

"Mom, really," Emma deadpanned.

"Or you could get eaten," Granny mumbled.

"Fine, whatever, I'm sorry, okay?" Emma said to the dog as she continued to keep her hands up and back slowly away from it.

Regina internally rolled her eyes, because really? Was that supposed to be a legitimate apology? There was no way that was going to fly, plus this was only going to make it easier for her to hopefully embarrass the hell out of her wife.

Regina snapped her teeth loudly a few times, the sound echoing through the field and shooting tingles down Emma's spine. She was starting to think that the dog was seriously going to attack her, and despite the fact that she had magic at her disposal, she couldn't for the life of her think to summon it. She was almost paralyzed as she stared into the dog's eyes, dark and glaring, and it was like she couldn't think of a single thing to do or say. In fact, the only thought zipping through her head was the exact thing that she heard Ruby shout not ten seconds later when the dog decided it was done waiting.

"Emma, RUN!"

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" Emma wailed as she whirled on the spot and took off, just as the dog leapt at her, mouth open and salivating, bark and growl promising death or at least the loss of a limb or two.

"Oh my goodness!" Snow shrieked as she smacked at her husband's arm. "Honey, honey, go help her!"

Emma tore across the field, barreling toward the crowd with the pissed-off mutt right on her heels, gnashing its teeth loudly. The blonde yelped or cursed loudly every time she heard the sound of teeth smacking into teeth, a jaw snapping loudly and dangerously close to her, but she didn't give herself even a second to look back as she made for the crowd. Everyone in the crowd parted immediately as they made to get the hell out of the dog's way and avoid getting dragged into the fray when Emma came crashing into them.

Ruby, sure that Emma was thoroughly distracted, waved her hand at Charming just as he was leaping up to go to his daughter's rescue. As soon as he looked at her, she shook her head, grinned wickedly, and said, "Don't. It's Regina. She's just messing with Emma."

"What? Are you serious?" Granny hissed excitedly. "This shit just keeps gettin' better and better."

"Oh no," Snow said sadly, though Ruby could see just the slightest hint of a smile quirking at the corners of her lips as Charming dropped back into his seat. "Emma is going to be so embarrassed."

"Yeah, that's kind of the point," Henry said, laughing.

They watched as Emma continued to sprint as hard as she could, shouting, "Holy fuck! Somebody get this fucking dog away from me!" She raced through the gap that the crowd had cleared for her and the dog and realized that she was running straight for the hard brick wall of the back of Town Hall.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Emma chanted loudly as sweat drenched her forehead and she realized that she didn't have time to turn. She was going to crash into the wall. She closed her eyes as she kept running, and as quickly as she could, she summoned her Phasing power. As soon as she felt the familiar tingle buzzing on her flesh, she popped her eyes open again just in time for her face to smack right into the brick wall. However, instead of effectively breaking her face on hard brick, she slipped right through it, running right through the solid wall and into the interior of Town Hall.

As soon as she was safely inside the building, she slowed herself to a stop and instantly shot a hand up to her chest where she could feel her heartbeat pounding wildly just beneath her palm. She panted heavily as she dropped into a chair at a nearby table and loudly, breathlessly exclaimed, "The fuck was that?!" She simply could not believe that that shit had actually just happened. "Like, seriously? I mean, _seriously?!_"

Once she caught her breath again, Emma dragged herself out of the chair and stepped back up to the wall she had just come through. She summoned her Phasing power again and slowly poked only her head through the wall. When her head emerged on the other side, she glanced quickly around in every direction she could turn, but saw no sign of the dog. Strangely enough, no one seemed to notice the fact that there was a head (just a head and no body) sticking out of a very solid wall. Nope. They all seemed too distracted with their excited conversations, all exclaiming how surprised or afraid they had been when the dog was coming toward them or going on about the way the Sheriff had literally ran through a wall or laughing about how funny it had been to see the big, bad Savior screaming bloody murder as she ran through the field like her pants were on fire.

Emma tried to ignore those bits, because seriously? What the hell would they have done if a mangy mutt was chasing them while snapping its teeth and barking? She was pretty sure that anyone would have acted the same way, though she couldn't help the way her cheeks turned slightly pink as she heard them laughing.

When the blonde felt fairly assured that the dog was nowhere to be seen and had probably darted around to the front of the building or something to continue its pursuit, she brought the rest of her body through the wall and started to make her way back toward the crowd. However, Regina had smartly been waiting for her to do exactly that. She was biding her time just around the corner of the building and well out of sight of the back wall where her wife had disappeared. As soon as she heard her wife's loud sigh of relief, though, and then heard the strange zipping sound that Emma's Phasing power always made when she was passing through a solid surface, Regina stepped quietly from her little hiding place and saw her wife stalking toward the crowd.

_This is almost too easy_, Regina thought to herself as she let a low, hair-raising growl rumble up from her canine vocal chords and was extremely amused when she saw her wife instantly freeze in place.

Chills shot down Emma's spine as she heard the familiar low growl of the dog that had been chasing her. She whipped around just in time to see the dog baring its teeth at her again before it bounded forward once more, furious and determined to get to her. "Oh holy hell!" Emma shouted as she turned and began running again, barreling through the crowd.

She threw back her head as she ran and shouted at the top of her lungs. "Regina, stop fucking hiding and help me before I get eaten alive by this dog!"

But then she was tumbling forward to the ground as the dog caught up to her and leapt against her back. Emma panicked as she rolled around in the grass, seeing nothing but blurry flashes of green grass, blue sky, and brown fur. She was pretty sure she was about to have her throat ripped up, but then the fur that she had her hands buried in to push the dog away, disappeared and was replaced with soft skin and clothing. Suddenly, she was no longer barreling across the grass with a dog, but wrestling on the ground with her wife.

As soon as this realization sunk in, Emma gasped loudly and dramatically wriggled all around, flailing her arms as she tried to disentangle herself from the brunette and get to her feet. "What the hell, R?!" she growled at her wife as soon as she was finally able to get to her feet, her hair wild and tangled around her face with grass speckled throughout the golden locks.

Regina laughed loudly as she grinned up at her wife from where she sat in the grass, leaning on her elbows. Emma glanced over to the crowd and to the judges' table where everyone was laughing animatedly and pointing at her. She felt her face go hot with embarrassment, and then suddenly she was seeing red.

Emma whipped her head back around to glare at her wife and snapped out, "Think that's funny, do you?"

Before Regina could even process the look in her wife's eyes, she saw Emma's hand shoot up, fingers going to press into her temple. "Emma, don't you dare!" Regina warned, quickly summoning her magic to teleport her away from the blonde before Emma could lock onto her with her Mind Control power.

But it was far too late. Emma's fingertips pressed into her temple as she huffed out a frustrated breath. Instantly, Regina's eyes glazed over, her body fell back into the grass as it went entirely rigid, and a solemn hush fell over the entire crowd.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Just a quick note: The content in this chapter is certainly NOT meant to offend anyone or mock anyone. It is strictly crack, and heavily exaggerative, and meant solely to make you laugh. I hope you all enjoy! XO-Chrmdpoet**

Sore Loser

Chapter Eight

_Instantly, Regina's eyes glazed over, her body fell back into the grass as it went entirely rigid, and a solemn hush fell over the entire crowd._

"Oh my god, Emma!" Ruby exclaimed as the entire crowd went still and silent at the sight of Regina's body stiffening and her eyes glazing over to a shiny, milky white. "Don't! Regina will freaking kill you!"

"Seriously, Ma," Henry said, biting his lip at whether or not he should find the whole situation hilarious or worrisome, "maybe we should just stop this." He didn't like the look in his blonde mother's eyes—she was angry. It was obvious, and he knew that she shouldn't be messing with magic when she was angry; then again, he wasn't terribly surprised. While his adoptive mother had grown so much as a person and had relaxed and become much more easy-going throughout the years, his birthmother was without a doubt a sore loser. They both despised any form of humiliation, but Emma had already been feeling vulnerable because of her obvious disadvantage in a magical competition with Regina (despite the fact that the entire competition was her own idea and fault), and so he knew she would be even more bitter about any little loss.

"Oh, so it's cool for Regina to embarrass me but not for me to return the favor?" Emma snapped at Henry, her voice already ragged as beads of sweat almost instantly swelled at her hairline, soaked her palms, and dripped down her back. Controlling Regina was the most difficult magical task Emma had ever attempted. She had only done it on three other occasions and had never been able to hold the control for long. The only time she had ever held the control for more than ten minutes was when Regina willingly allowed her to invade and didn't attempt to fight off the control. The other two times Emma had simply been messing with her wife and trying to play little tricks on her for her own personal entertainment. Both times, she had nearly blacked out from the exertion of energy it took to hold control over such a powerful magical being as Regina.

"Honey, come on, it was just for fun," Snow said, trying to placate her daughter. "That was what this entire competition was supposed to be, right? That's what you said. Just a bit of fun."

"Yeah well, that was before my wife attacked me in dog form for everyone to laugh at," Emma barked again, and everyone gasped in unison as Regina's body lifted from the ground under the blonde's command and stood before her.

Emma's head was dizzy and aching, her heart racing wildly in her chest, and nausea roared in her gut as she could feel Regina pushing back at her control, harder and harder by the second. She was gaining power while Emma was losing her own. Still, she held tightly to her magic and hoped she could get in a good enough show before Regina broke through the Mind Control and thoroughly kicked her ass.

"Oh hell, girl, stop being such a baby," Granny grunted from the judges' table.

Emma quickly waved her free hand in front of her wife's body, which had begun to vibrate and tremble as Regina gained more and more of her control back. The brunette's body was instantly Glamoured, and though the crowd knew that what was happening was most likely going to end badly, they couldn't help but explode into laughter as the former Evil Queen and ever regal and composed Regina Mills suddenly appeared in a way that none had ever or would ever have been able to predict.

Regina's designer clothes had been replaced with extremely baggy jeans that sagged just below her ass, which was clad in men's black boxer shorts. The hem of her jean legs were tucked into the puffy tongues of massive skater kicks, white and orange, and she was wearing a neon orange t-shirt that was at least three times her size and had a screened message on the front that read: THUG. Her fingers were adorned in gaudy, giant rings, her luscious chocolate locks were finely twisted into corn rows, and there was a massive tattoo running down her right arm with big, black, block letters that read: MO' MAGIC, MO' PROBLEMS.

Emma grinned even as her eyes fluttered and the hand she kept pressed to her temple shook violently as she fought to maintain her control. Everyone was laughing so hard that the sounds of their laughter thundered in the blonde's ears, making her feel at least slightly satisfied but only like she needed to continue, to make the show even more amusing and entertaining. She commanded Regina to walk over to the judges' table, where every single one of them was practically biting into their fists or covering their mouths with their hands to keep from exploding into laughter.

"Oh my god, where's my phone?" Henry said quickly as he dug into his pocket where he was sure he had stored the device earlier. He pulled it from his pocket and started up a new video feed so that he could always have the memory of his adoptive mother this way. It was absolutely impossible to let the opportunity pass, and he laughed while he could, because all the fun and games would be over as soon as Regina broke Emma's control. He knew his blonde mother would be lucky to make it back home alive. Still, it was too good.

"Yo, Snow!" Regina said in a voice deeper than her usual register as she slouched heavily in front of the judges' table and cupped a hand over her crotch. "Why you like tellin' errybody secrets all the time, yo?!"

Emma snickered to herself even as a particularly powerful wave of dizziness swept over her and she swayed on her feet for a moment. It only made her press her fingers harder to her temple and push through it, though. She thought of the words clearly in her mind and only seconds later heard them filter from her wife's lips.

"And like why y'all always losin' each other and shit?" Regina asked, waggling a finger back and forth between Snow and Charming, which everyone laughed loudly at, because it was true that it seemed like the two of them were constantly spouting off "I will always find you!" or "You found me!" or "Did you ever doubt I would?!"

"Like getta leash uh somethin'," Regina added, to which Snow and Charming only glanced at each other and then burst into their own laughter, taking the joke good-naturedly.

Emma let out a ragged breath as her body sagged a bit and she felt a wet drop of something hit her top lip. She closed her eyes as she commanded Regina to continue even as she lifted her free hand to her face to see what the wetness was.

"People, _I _am OPPRESSED!" Regina shouted, waving a hand over the crowd while she swaggered toward them, stumbling in her steps as Regina's control waged war against Emma's. It had been roughly only three minutes, and probably only a matter of seconds before she broke the hold and took back control. "Errybody be like, 'Regina, gurl, you evil!' and I'm over here like, 'What?! I ain't evil, bitches! I'm like…misunderstood and shit!' I don—unn agh ulk—"

Her words jumbled into incoherent mumbles of words and grunting sounds as Regina pushed through Emma's hold on her mind. Emma pulled her fingers away from her face and saw that they were painted red, coated in blood that was now pouring out of her nose as attempting to hold control over her wife while the blonde was already in a weakened state from her earlier feats of magical entertainment had absolutely drained her and actually began to harm her body.

A burst of purple sparks rippled into a wave that echoed from around Regina as she finally snapped Emma's control and took back her own mind. She instantly waved a hand over her body, her clothes and hair and skin returning to its previous state before she whirled on the spot to lecture her wife, her cheeks burning a bright red. She wasn't terribly upset about Emma's move to embarrass her, as she had done the same to the blonde; she was mostly upset because Emma had agreed prior to the competition not to perform Mind Control on _her _specifically and furthermore, because she knew her wife was far too weakened from the "Thriller" performance (even with the energy Regina had given her after) to even consider messing with Mind Control again in the same day.

A hush fell over the crowd again as everyone watched Regina return to her former state, but they all erupted into gasps of horror and concern when they turned their eyes to Emma to see that she was swaying ominously on her feet and blood was dripping in a steady stream from her nose. She seemed entirely out of it, her eyelashes fluttering wildly and her body shaking as she tried to focus on anything or anyone, and everyone knew in that moment that this playful competition had suddenly turned terrifyingly serious.

"Emma!" Regina exclaimed, fear ripping through her heart as she shot across the field, followed quickly by Henry, Ruby, Charming, and Snow, who had all sprung from their chairs and around the judges' table to get to the blonde. Regina reached Emma just as the woman collapsed, her knees buckling beneath her. The brunette caught her wife in her arms, but the dead weight sent them both tumbling to the ground.

Regina landed hard on her ass with Emma cradled in her arms. She smacked at the blonde's cheeks, just trying to get her wife to stir and stay with her. "Open your eyes, honey," Regina cooed as she tapped at her wife's cheeks and shook her shoulders to try and jostle her awake and alert. "Open your eyes and look at me."

Regina waved a hand over her wife to clear away the blood staining her lips and chin, but it was useless as more continued to stream from her nose. Panic stirred in the brunette's every cell as she had definitely seen Emma thoroughly and foolishly exhaust herself with magic, but she had never witnessed the woman overexert herself to the point of causing herself actual harm. Guilt flooded her as well, as she couldn't help but think that had she not acted on Ruby's suggestion of them embarrassing each other, Emma never would have pushed herself so far.

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she held her hand to Emma's chest and attempted to push energy and healing into the blonde's body, but it was then that she saw emerald eyes roll entirely back as her wife blacked out in her arms. "Oh gods," Regina whispered through her tears as she looked up at Snow and practically shouted, "I'm taking her to the hospital."

She didn't even wait to see Snow's worried expression or her nod of agreement before she disappeared in a swirling cloud of purple smoke with her unconscious and sickly pale wife wrapped tightly in her arms.

* * *

Regina sat in the waiting room of the hospital, white as a sheet and shaking, as she kept a death grip on her son's hand and her eyes remained glued to the white doors that led to the restricted portion of the hospital. The room was still and silent as the small crowd that had come and gathered there waited for news of the Sheriff. Henry was just as pale as Regina as he clutched her hand just as tightly and had his other hand wrapped tightly in his grandma's as Snow sat on his other side. Charming sat on Snow's other side and they both looked positively terrified, tears streaming silently down the raven-haired woman's cheeks. Ruby and Granny were there as well, along with a few of the other townspeople who had been in the crowd at the magical competition gone terribly awry.

Silent streams of tears continued to burn down Regina's cheeks as she swallowed thickly and prayed to every god she could think of that her wife hadn't managed to somehow give herself a heart attack or an aneurism or something. During her time in the Enchanted Forest, the brunette had heard of many cases in which novice magical practitioners had caused themselves great harm—heart attacks, strokes, brain damage, and even death just from using magic incorrectly or from over-exerting their bodies with magical use before they had grown accustomed enough to the power or had exercised it enough in training to handle the force of it or know the extent of what they could handle. Just thinking of as much terrified Regina beyond words, and she couldn't stop the tears that flooded her in response.

Her chest felt tight and constricted and a jagged lump pricked and itched in her throat, making it difficult to breathe. She felt her son squeeze her hand even tighter before he leaned slightly toward her and quietly said, "It's not your fault, Mom."

A small sob escaped her as she turned to look at her mostly grown son and noted the sincerity in his soft eyes. It was true that she had been blaming herself because of the little trick she'd played on Emma to embarrass her, even though _rationally _she knew it wasn't her fault, just as Henry said. She couldn't help herself though. She felt like she had instigated the entire thing and it had led to this…to the possibility that something seriously terrible may have happened to the love of her life, the woman who had become her entire world, her heart and soul.

She tried to smile but failed as Henry pulled his hand from hers and moved instead to wrap a strong arm around her shoulders. Regina let out a staggered sigh as she leaned her head over and rested it on her seventeen-year-old son's shoulder. "Thank you, Henry, but…" She let out another heavy, stuttering breath as fresh tears sprang to her eyes and she finished by saying, "If she doesn't come out of this alive and well, I will never forgive myself."

"I know," he said as he nodded his head atop hers, "but you should. It's not your fault. It was all supposed to be fun and it just got out of hand. It's nobody's fault, Mom, and Ma will be fine. You'll see. Everything will be okay."

"Regina?"

Everyone's heads snapped to attention as Dr. Whale stepped into the waiting room and called Regina's name. He smiled kindly at her as she rose shakily to her feet, followed by Henry, Snow, Charming, and Ruby. They each stepped over and crowded around the doctor, who nodded to each of them before turning his gaze to Regina and taking a deep breath.

"Oh god, is she okay?" Snow gasped out, taking Whale's deep, preparatory breath as a sign of bad news even before he'd ever had a chance to get a single word out.

He cleared his throat and said, "She is, yes."

Everyone sighed heavily at that, relief flooding them before they quickly gathered themselves and waited to hear the rest of what the doctor had to say. Henry squeezed his mother's shoulders tightly and rubbed his hand affectionately up and down her arm. He could literally feel her body trembling next to him and knew how terrified she was. He was scared, too, though he kept it to himself. He wanted to be strong for his mom, be the man she had raised him to be.

"There had better not be a 'but' coming, Victor," Regina snapped at the man, who merely looked at her in response, patient as ever. After a few seconds, the brunette woman tilted her head a bit and quietly said, "Sorry."

"It's quite alright, Regina," he told her, patting her arm gently. "We all snap when we're worried." She smiled tightly at him then and nodded her head.

"Now," Whale said, glancing at his clipboard before locking eyes with Regina once more, "let's get down to it, shall we?" He didn't wait for an answer or agreement before diving right in. "Miss Swan presented with severe hypertension, tachycardia, and shortness of breath."

"Uh, not doctors here, Whale," Ruby interjected, obviously annoyed, though she couldn't help herself given how worried she was for her best friend. "Care to break that shit down for us?"

Whale smiled tightly at her before turning back to Regina and saying, "My apologies. Hypertension means high blood pressure which most likely caused the tachycardia, meaning her heart was beating too fast, as well as the shortness of breath. Hypertension has also been known to cause nosebleeds, so that would explain that as well."

"Okay, so?" Henry asked. "What does all of that mean for her? I mean, was there any permanent damage or anything?"

"Oh, no, no," Whale assured them, to which they all breathed another sigh of relief. "Once we regulated her blood pressure and got some fluids into her, Miss Swan quickly regained her color as well as a steady and healthy pulse and even breathing."

"Oh thank gods," Regina sighed as she sagged against her son, the tension in her body finally seeping out of her. "Can I see her?"

"Of course," Whale said, nodding, "but I have just a few more things to go over with you first, Regina."

She nodded and waved a hand, signaling for him to go ahead with whatever else she needed to know. He cleared his throat again, his eyes darting from her to Henry and finally to Snow, Charming, and Ruby before back to Regina. He appeared highly uncomfortable as he lowered his voice and said, "Uh, perhaps this part should be confidential, Regina. If you'd like, we can step away for a moment to discuss and then two of you can go back at a time to see Emma."

"Hell no, I need to know what's going on!" Ruby snapped unbidden before her cheeks instantly flushed red. She shrugged sheepishly at Regina who only smiled kindly at her. "Sorry, R," she said, "I'm just a little freaked, I guess."

"It's quite alright, dear," Regina told her, still smiling softly as she reached up and wiped at her cheeks. "She is right, though, Victor," she said then, turning back to Whale. "They are all family, so whatever you need to tell me, you can say in front of these three and Henry as well."

Whale continued to look uncomfortable as he annoyingly cleared his throat again, lowered his voice to an almost whisper, and moved closer to the small group crowded around him so as to keep the larger crowd behind them from hearing. "You mentioned when you brought Emma in that she had greatly overexerted herself by way of magic," he whispered, to which Regina nodded, "and you were certainly correct. The magic was still visible in her blood when we drew vials for her tests; however, there was another underlying cause for the extreme exhaustion. As such, I would highly suggest that she tone down on the use of magic, though it would be best if she refrain from its use entirely."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Regina asked, growing impatient as her panic refueled and raged inside her chest. "Get to the point."

Whale let out a sigh and whispered, "Emma is pregnant."

Snow gasped so violently that it echoed loudly throughout the waiting room and Charming's jaw smacked into his chest. Henry's eyes bugged out comically and before he could stop himself, he shouted, "MA CHEATED ON MOM?!" Ruby quickly reached over and smacked the hell out of the back of Henry's head and snapped, "DUDE, NO!"

And only seconds later, the purely shocked expression that painted Regina's face leaked away as her rigid body went limp and everything faded to black around her, Whale catching her unconscious body just before it could hit the floor.


	9. Chapter 9

Sore Loser

Chapter Nine

"Well how the hell do you explain this?" Henry snapped angrily at Ruby as he lifted his mother from the floor and pulled her into his lap as he sat down in one of the chairs of the waiting room. "I'm seventeen, Ruby! I know how people make babies for Christ's sake."

"Dude, no you don't," Ruby said as she rolled her eyes at the kid. "Okay, I mean, yeah, obviously, but no."

"What?" Henry snapped again. "Was that supposed to be a coherent sentence?"

"Okay, tone it down, Regina Junior," Ruby barked at him. "Stop biting my head off just because you don't understand."

"_What _don't I understand?" Henry asked her. "Somebody better explain it to me like now, because I love Ma to death, but I'm not even going to be able to look at her if she cheated on Mom. That is unacceptable."

"You're right, Henry," Snow chimed in, suddenly finding her voice despite the fact that her shock from discovering that her only child was pregnant was still raging in her mind and obviously in her face as well. Her eyes were still plastered wide open even as she spoke to her grandson. "That would absolutely be unacceptable, but Red is correct as well, honey. Just because Emma is pregnant doesn't mean she cheated on Regina. I think we all know that she would never do something like that, not only because it would be terribly wrong of her, but because—"

"Because your Ma has been obsessed with your Mom for years, Henry," Red finished for her. "She was chasing Regina around like a horny, excited puppy long before they ever fessed up their feelings for each other. I mean, like for reals, man. She was trying to jump down those pants even when they hated each other."

"Okay, _really_, Red?" Snow scolded her friend. "We've talked about this."

"Right," Ruby said with a nod as she chewed on her lip and shifted from foot to foot. "The conversational lines thing." She then mimicked Snow's higher register and repeated the words that the raven-haired woman had told her quite some time back. "Don't cross the lines, Red! _Don't _cross the lines. Some things should simply not be spoken aloud!"

"Exactly," Snow said, just as a low grunting moan sounded from the limp woman in Henry's lap.

"Mom?" Henry said timidly, swiping her hair out of her face. When she blinked her eyes slowly open, he smiled down at her and asked, "You okay?"

"No," she grunted gruffly. She then pushed herself up slowly and climbed to her feet. "I am certainly not okay."

Regina then surprised everyone when she bent down and kissed her son on the forehead and said, "_That _is for taking care of me just now," before she reached a hand back and smacked him upside the head with a loud pop, "and _that _is for accusing your mother of cheating."

"Crap," Henry said as he rubbed at the back of his head where his mother had swatted him. "Well, can someone explain to me how she ended up pregnant then? Because the only way I know for that to happen involves sperm, and I'm pretty sure you don't have any, Mom."

"Well, you would be correct in that assumption, dear," Regina drawled as she pressed a hand to her heart and took slow, steady breaths just trying to calm her pulse.

"Henry," Charming said, jumping in to help his grandson out, "you didn't grow up in the Enchanted Forest so you wouldn't be familiar with this, but in our homeland, it wasn't impossible or unheard of for two people of the same sex to create a baby if they shared True Love."

"But how?" Henry pressed him further. "Like with magic?"

"No, loser, like with sex," Ruby said, reaching out to tousle his hair playfully. "Same way as people of the opposite sex, man. It just works somehow because of the True Love, I guess. No one really knows. We just know it happens."

Henry just sat there and stared at them all for a minute before he said, "_That _is freaking _incredible_." He then excitedly turned to his Mom, only to see that she was still white as a ghost and staring blankly at the wall as she swayed on her feet again. "Mom? You okay? You're not going to like pass out again or something, are you?"

"I'm fine, dear," Regina said, swallowing thickly as her pulse continued to race beneath her palm. "I just…I'm a little shocked is all, and a little pissed."

"Pissed?" Ruby questioned with a nervous laugh. "Why? Did you not want a baby?"

"I'm pissed because my idiot wife's insufferable ego and persistent need to challenge me to pointless competitions could have cost us our child's life as well as her own!" Regina snapped, and then suddenly she was gone, marching away in a fury.

Henry scurried quickly after her, calling over his shoulder that he'd send for the rest of them soon. As soon as he and Regina were out of sight, Granny broke the ice by saying, "Well, I guess we know who won the competition."

"What? Who?" Snow asked, turning to quirk an eyebrow at the elder woman.

"Regina, obviously," Granny answered her with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You mean by default?" Charming asked. "Since Emma sort of disqualified herself by passing out?"

"Nope, I mean because Regina knocked her up," Granny said with another shrug, to which Ruby burst into raucous laughter, leaning on Snow as the raven-haired woman, too, began to laugh. "That takes some serious power and skill. Even back home, it wasn't _common _that same-sex couples conceived even with True Love. Possible, sure, but not common. I'm just sayin'. Regina really went the distance."

Everyone in the waiting room laughed heartily at that. "Hell yeah, she did," Ruby agreed as she put her arm around Snow and turned to face the petite woman and Charming. She beamed brightly at them both, and with pure affection in her voice, said, "You guys, we're getting a new addition to our little family."

"That we are," Charming said, beaming at the women that made up his family, whether by blood, marriage, or simply friendship.

"_If_ Regina lets Emma survive," Snow joked.

"Yeah," Ruby agreed. "Do you think that Emma knows? I mean, do you think they told her, too, or just Regina thinking that she would tell Emma herself?"

"I have no idea," Snow answered nervously.

As if on perfect cue, the resounding panicked voice of one Emma Swan ripped through the hospital in a loud shout of, "WHAT?!"

"Well, I guess she knows now," Ruby said, biting her lip to keep from laughing. She looked like she was ten seconds away from completely exploding, and all it took was one snort of laughter from Granny to cause her to finally burst. Her laughter spilled out as she leaned on Snow and said, "Oh my god, you guys, this is like…seriously, the best day of my life."

* * *

Regina and Henry made their way swiftly down the hallway of the hospital, one brunette steaming with anger and the other futilely attempting to calm her. When they passed the nurses' station and Regina demanded Emma's room number without even slowing her pace, Henry knew that his blonde mother was in for a serious ass-chewing. The nurse at the desk, knowing not to mess with Regina, shouted out the room number and shrugged her shoulders at Henry when he offered her an apologetic smile.

Regina forged ahead, steam practically spewing out of her ears as she was blinded by her frustration and her anxiety and the million what-ifs that had been attacking her brain since the moment Whale had uttered that she was going to be a Mommy again. It was like she couldn't help herself. She had lost so much in her life, and just the thought that she could have lost not only her precious wife that day, but also her unborn child, scared the hell out of her. That fear then instantly morphed into anger when she thought of the reason behind that possible loss—her wife's incessant need to push herself to unsafe limits just to prove a stupid point.

Just as Regina and Henry rounded the last corner before Emma's room, they both jumped and slammed to a halt when they heard Emma's voice shriek so loudly that it echoed around them. "WHAT?!"

Seconds later, a terrified nurse scampered out of Emma's room and flitted quickly past both Regina and Henry without a word. They then heard the blonde's voice shout from the room again. "GET BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" they heard her screech, and Henry snickered softly as he nudged his mother.

"Guess she's just as shocked as you were," he said with another laugh, but Regina wasn't amused.

She simply clucked her tongue, arched an eyebrow, and marched the remaining length of the hallway and into her wife's hospital room.

"Shit," Henry muttered to himself. He let out a heavy sigh before following his mother, thinking, _This should be interesting_.

* * *

Emma's emerald eyes were bugged out of her head as she sat up in her hospital bed and screamed for the nurse who had just accidentally blurted out some bullshit about her being pregnant. There was just absolutely no way, and Emma didn't even have time to process what she'd been told before the loud clicking of heels captured her attention and her heart positively sunk into her stomach. How the hell was she going to explain this to her wife when she couldn't even explain it to herself?

Sure enough, not ten seconds later, the radiant form of Regina Mills marched through the open doorway, chocolate locks swishing around her face, and chocolate eyes blazing with fury. "Emma Swan-Mills!" she barked at the blonde.

Emma instantly threw her hands up in a show of surrender as she began babbling desperately in a squeaky voice that sounded entirely unlike her. "Regina! I don't…I can't…I don't even know how…and she said…and I mean, I noticed I was late, but I didn't think anything of it, because well you have a vagina, and _I _have a vagina, and vaginas don't make babies together, and I swear I would never…I didn't cheat! I didn't cheat! Regina you have to believe me! I mean, it's gotta be like a mistake or a sick joke or some kind of, fuck, I DON'T KNOW! Is this some fucked-up version of immaculate conception?! I didn't even think that shit was real! I thought Mary just lied because she didn't want people to know she boned Joseph. But maybe…hell, I don't know. Maybe I'm having like the next Jesus or something. Holy shit. What the hell is going on?! Baby, please don't be mad, because I swear I didn't cheat, and I need you. Regina, I'm freaking the fuck out here. And you just look so angry, and I—"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, MA!" Henry finally shouted over his birthmother's incessant, squeaky panicking. All he really wanted to do was sit back and laugh his ass off while he enjoyed the show, because everyone knew how hilarious the dynamic between his two mothers had always been and probably always would be, but he knew that he needed to focus in that moment. He was on damage control in case Regina exploded on Emma or Emma just completely zonked out on them again due to absolute shock.

Emma's jaws instantly snapped shut at her son's command, but her eyes remained on the brink of popping out of her skull as she breathed heavily through her nose and her heart hammered in her chest. She stared at her wife who only stood before her with her hands on her hips and glaring at her with fiery eyes. She had absolutely no clue what Regina was thinking but whatever it was, Emma was terrified that it might mean the end of their marriage; that Regina would think she cheated and leave her.

Regina tried to stay mad. She really tried, but Emma's giant, terrified eyes and her panicked ramble of nonsense just tore at each and every angry fiber in Regina's body and melted her down to all she had left in that moment without it—joy; joy that she and Emma had made a life together, a baby. They were going to be parents again, and this time, they were actually going to do it together. She sighed heavily as she dropped her hands from her hips and moved to her wife's bed. She dropped down on the edge of it, cupped Emma's cheeks in her hands, and sighed as she said, "Emma, you're such an idiot."

"Y-yeah," Emma said shakily as tears began to build in her eyes and she brought her own hands up to grip tightly at Regina's wrists, refusing to let the woman go, "but I'm still…I'm still y-your idiot, right, Regina?"

Tears leaked down Regina's cheeks and she smiled through them, chuckling softly as she stroked her thumb across her wife's bottom lip and whispered, "Absolutely."

"I didn't cheat," Emma whispered so quietly that the words were hardly more than expired breath. Her bottom lip trembled as she softly added, "I swear I didn't. I don't know how this happened."

"Shh, Emma, stop," Regina told her wife before pulling her in for a gentle kiss. She planted a line of kisses from the blonde's lip, across her jaw, and up to shell of her ear, where she whispered, "The baby is mine."

Emma gently pushed her wife back so that she could lock onto those teary chocolate eyes, and with her voice sticking and shaking in her throat, she choked out, "What? How?"

"Well," Regina laughed out softly as she reached up to wipe at the tears marring her cheeks, "we are rather physical, dear."

"But…? That's possible? _You _actually got me pregnant, and not with magic, but with just sex?"

"Gee thanks, love of my life," Regina replied sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "Your lack of confidence is astounding, and also, dear, _my _sex is _never _'just sex'. Amazing sex, yes. Phenomenal sex, absolutely. Mind-blowing, body-rocking, earth-shattering sex, yes, yes, and yes, but _never _'just sex.'"

"Um, hello," Henry interjected at that, his lip curling in disgust. "That was like way over the line, Mom. I know one of your kids hasn't developed ears yet, but I totally have mine, and I didn't need to hear that."

Both Regina and Emma chuckled softly before they lost themselves in each other again, their faces only a breath apart as they stared at each other with love and wonder and absolute amazement. "_We're _having a baby," Emma whispered softly as she stared into Regina's tearful eyes and squeezed her soft hands.

"Yes we are," Regina practically sang as she pressed her lips to Emma's again and sighed happily into her mouth. What a day.


End file.
